#sometimes it can be a funny goof but if your excuse for not completing your important adult responsibilities

[trans-yllz]

I can't stand an "I'm just a little baby :(" motherfucker. no you're not you're a 27 year old man

[valentine-writes]

hii!! i was wondering if you could write headcanons for like the main four spider-kids (miles, gwen, pavitr and hobie) with a reader who like smacks people when they laugh really hard? preferably w/ a reader thats a spider-person but its up to you! :3

aggressive affection!

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, dude used once in a gender neutral way, mentions of bruising and minor injuries (but nothing crazy), spider-person reader, reader forgetting that being a spider-person makes them stronger,,, um. (°ー°〃) oops!!! 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. gwen stacy, hobie brown/spider-punk, miles morales, and pavitr prabhakar

author's note: YES I CAN YES I CAN!! this prompt iz so funny AUWWUDH I HOPE I DID IT JUSTICE!!! つ﹏⊂ also super excited 2 get to write more of them becuz AWUDGWAAHWGHWAGUAGH I LOVE THESE CHARACTERZ SMM,,, also excuse me if there's more repetition or typos than usual,,, im eepy ( つ᷄ ‸･ )

GWEN STACY headcanons

▸ the first one to fall victim to your little habit. she doesn't mind in the slightest, mainly because she's generally pretty welcome to friendly touches- even if it is slightly more aggressive than she had expected. frankly, you could've literally bitten her and she probably would've reacted the same.

she's a little awkward about it at first, pausing mid laughter as you deliver playful hits to her shoulder and bicep. she playfully shoves you away at first, like, "haha– what– what are you doing–" but quickly warms up to it

▸ here's the thing though. she 100% will do it back. if you're both joking around and losing it over something, you end up hitting each other through laughter. and it'll INTENSIFY. at some points, everyone's wondering if you two are actually beefing or not ur not. itz the way u show affection 2 one another,,, in the strangest manner

when you're assigned on missions with her, you usually end up chatting– and then you find something hilarious to giggle abt and everything goes off the rails

y'all will return to HQ bruised asf like "nah man the anomaly didn't even touch us."

jessica and miguel DEF pick up the fact y'all goof off and beat each other up before even locating the anomaly HWJEJNDNE

unfortunately– gwen is slowly paired less with you on missions becuz of this. they can't have you distracting one another a girl can never have fun fr </3

nothing that some good behaviour can't fix! just try not to give each other a complete smackdown while on duty and you'll be paired together again in no time! hopefully...

▸ both you and gwen forget that being spider-people involves super strength. and though you're both used to taking a blow or two, it stands plain and obvious that the two of you can get carried away. gwen especially. she's just a little rough sometimes– not like she means to be.

sometimes, the dull ache from the bruises she left leave you wondering if you're both a little too funny for your own good. at least she makes sure to take care of it and hold back,, when she can.

when it's your turn to get carried away, she sees your eyes widen as you splutter a million apologies to her. but every time you deliver one hit too hard, she insists it never hurts much as you think.

"dude, it's okay. you can chill out." gwen reassures. "besides, i'm built tougher than that."

she flashes a grin at you, and it's almost convincing. like she didn't even feel a thing. you know better though– gwen definitely has days where she's more sore than she'd like to be because of you. not like she'd ever admit. she likes the random play fights between the two of you.

though, you will admit that the amount of trips to the infirmary in search of ice packs is getting just the teeniest bit absurd. people are starting to ask questions at HQ-- which is fine. the frozen bag of peas gwen offers to you for your injuries works just as good as any ice pack ...it's been sitting in the bottom of her freezer for God Knows How Long but you don't need to know that

HOBIE BROWN headcanons:

▸ you see how this guy interacts with people???

hobie's used to friendly touches, and initiates physical contact without overthinking it. that little shoulder shake he does w/ miles makes me smile everytime i heart hobie. ALSO AAUWHEHWH LEBRON AND DWAYNE'S HANDSHAKE BEING HOBIE'S AND PAV'S?? I ADORE.

you really think something as little as a few friendly punches and hits bothers hobie "forehead-kissing-the-homies-goodnight" brown??? /lh + /hj but man platonic physical affection hobie. like. hear me on this one.

▸ he's 100% cool with it– actually initiated it before you did. nothing crazy, a light smack on your back or arm as he laughed with

eventually, while joking around with you, realized you had the same habit

you end up hitting each other quite a bit– but he's not as accidentally aggressive as gwen is. laughing with hobie won't get you hospitalized, he's cognizant enough with his strength to know how much to hold back.

▸ then again, there are times where you get carried away. hobie's quick to shake it off, not feeling the effect of the hit until later– if you notice and apologize, he'll just shake his head and shrug

"nah, nah– it's fine." he insists, chuckling a bit as he rubs the spot where you smacked him. "there's been worse."

and yes, objectively, you know that's true– but you both fight villains in your everyday life. of course there's going to be worse than just a hit too hard. he won't accept an ice pack– but will joke that you could just kiss it better instead

that earns a groan from you, smacking him again in the arm for good measure as he snickers

MILES MORALES headcanons:

▸ doesn't hate it!! not against it!!! find it surprising at first. he didn't expect a playful punch to his arm in response to his little joke, but watching as you giggled uncontrollably, hitting him lightly– he decided that he didn't mind too much

he knows you don't mean any harm, so it's cool with him! he's rolling with the punches literally every time you two are losing it

▸ if you land a smack on him that ends up being a little too hard, he'll definitely try to play it off awkwardly, rubbing it and nervously laughing when you ask if he's okay

"oh sh–" you promptly stop, your smile fading as concern floods your face. he winced slightly at your last hit and it was much to obvious to ignore. "you good, miles? i am so sorry–"

"me? yeah, yeah– it's cool!" he replies dismissively, giving you the lightest punch back. miles laughs nervously at your completely unconvinced expression.

"bro. cmon. be real."

"that? hah– nahh. barely felt it." spoilers!!! he felt it

you keep it in mind to dial it back a bit when with miles, because he barely hits back and hates admitting when it actually hurts.

you'll get an occasional "ow–" with a little chuckle, but he refuses to acknowledge that you might be a bit too rough. he jus doesn't wanna hurt feelings man :(

you're his friend who gets a little too carried away sometimes– and that's fine!!! besides, he can't let gwen and hobie have all the fun.

"you holding back on me?" he asks you, noticing your hits have gotten weaker.

"what's it to you?"

"i can handle it. 's fine!! really!" miles says. there's a beat of silence as you stare at him incredulously.

"and you didn't bruise last time?." you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"yeah."

"...say swear."

miles raises his hands, sighing. "ok, look–" HE WANTZ 2 ROUGHHOUSE W/ HIS FRIEND TOO OK (*ﾉε｀*) besides. u and gwen and hobie seem to have so much fun w/ it,,

▸ because of his stubbornness, you oblige, pulling your punches just a little less when having a little laughing fit with him.

as a result, miles develops a habit deflecting your hits while absolutely losing it. gently shoving your hands away as you smack him, both of you doubling over laughter

miles will say sumn he knows you'll find a lil too funny and just,,, *cue continuous hitting and blocking as he predicts literally Every Movement you make* he's literally learned to parry becuz of u HAJWBDKDNEN

PAVITR PRABHAKAR headcanons:

▸ the type to pretend to beat up his friends while making punching noises when he's bored

he's just lightly tapping u with his knuckles going "pow– pow pow– bam–" under his breath HANWJENDN IM SORRY I FIND THIS FUNNY. i also. do this. (｡･･｡).

and ur like "...uh. ok."

he's def not opposed to it!! when he has the energy, he's all for it!!! pavitr's playfully hitting, shoving you away, gasping for air as the two of you giggle over something that's only really funny to the two of you.

he's pretty energetic most of the time, and it manifests as you "brawl" with each other as you laugh over some stupid joke.

▸ when you hit him a little too hard, most of the time, he doesn't even notice until the aftermath manifests as a bruise or two on his arms– but even then he doesn't care.

however,,, there are occasions where he initiates it, laughing and smacking you– and when you're laughing with him, raising your hand to hit back, he'll gasp dramatically, recoil instantly and get all dramatic about it i'm projecting all the things i do onto pav i bet u cant tell /sarc

pav the minute you decide to try and get him back– bar for bar, word for word:

he's just a little guy,, a little guyy,,, nooo,,, itz also his birthday,, he's a little birthday boy– HWJWBDN SORRY THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS

this is a bit that he drags on FOREVERRR like itz the funniest thing in the world

▸ ALL of his hits are a little too hard. he does the fake beat up thing a lot but when you two are roughhousing, you're the one reminding him to chill out through stifled laughs

he'll immediately soften the blows quickly at your request, knowing it's probably best for you to remain as uninjured as possible when not doing mission. can't have your shit rocked before you even face a villain!!! his hits end up somewhere between hobie's and gwen's– an almost perfect middle (*´꒳`*)

almost.

occasionally, he'll literally just... take the hits. not like miles where he's deflecting. he's jus standing there laughing while you smack him. which is a concerning sight for anyone who isn't used to your antics!!!

this happened in hq once and peter b, who happened to be walking by, lowkey thought you were straight up attacking pav

upon hearing the two of you giggling though, he figured that he wasn't witnessing an act of violence and didn't have to step in

[zevlors-tail]

i need more poly shindeku :(

I do too! Which is why I'm coming at you with random headcanons for my ultimate comfort ship minus my platonic self ship with Shinsou. Needed a break, and poly is just easy for me to think about for some reason sooo. Enjoy!

More Poly ShinDeku Headcanons

-These fuckers the type of little shits to visit the seasonal/holiday section at stores and completely GOOF OFF.

-It starts innocently enough. You ask if the three of you can peruse the seasonal isle to look at decorations for your apartment. You want it to feel nice and homey, you know? Sometimes it gets lonely with Deku gone all day and Shinsou working thirds most of the time.

-Izuku will pick out anything All Might themed, Shinsou goes for the weirdest decor he can find, and you're the only one actually trying to coordinate (well, okay, Izuku is trying, at least give him credit).

-But it all goes to hell in a hand-basket when Shinsou starts messing with the decor. If it's Halloween, that fool is trying to scare you with a weird looking pumpkin or a skeleton or ghost or some shit. Christmas? You get bopped on the head multiple times with a plastic candy cane. Summer? Prepare for battle, because once Shinsou grabs one of those toy swords, it’s OVER.

-And if you’re not the one battling him, you immediately become a hostage to one of the boys while they toss around their fake swords and duke it out over you. Hero complex, anyone?

-The three of you are just laughing and having a good ol’ time in the middle of the isle when a member of management is like “Excuse me, can I help you?”

-All of you freeze mid whatever it was you were doing. Shinsou’s mouth is half open in a laugh, Deku looks terrified, and you’re just staring in embarrassment. Shinsou comes up with some lie for the three of you and if that doesn’t work, well then you better run! Imagine the headline you’re gonna see on the news tomorrow; Heroes Deku, Mind Jack, and H/N Banned From Local Convenience Store. Hope you have a good PR manager!

-Both boys love turning ordinary dates into extraordinary ones. They know how to appreciate the little things and find happiness in the small moments! The three of you can literally have fun anywhere at any time.

-Lots of park dates, museum dates, trips to the zoo, and planetarium outings! Staying at home is also a popular date night choice but they love to take you to all sorts of places.

-For park dates, it’s common for you to walk in between them on the sidewalk holding both their hands. If you or Izuku feel particularly energetic though, you might visit the swings. Shinsou isn’t very far behind, always pushing either you or Izuku but refusing to be pushed himself. He’s more or less there to watch the two of you smile and laugh, and that’s enough for him.

-If it’s too cold to go to the zoo or park, then the next best thing is museums and planetariums! You would have never guessed, but both boys have such a fascination with space. 

-Especially when it comes to those rooms with the stars on the ceilings and the projections of planets and the sun and everything. It’s endearing to see the way Izuku’s eyes twinkle like the lights above him and how Shinsou’s shoulders instantly drop in relaxation. And they both learn so much- “Y/N, did you hear what they said about this star!?” “Maybe we should go check out that interactive exhibit with the planets later?” “You two really like space, huh?”

-TAKE THEM TO AN INTERACTIVE SCIENCE MUSEUM. TAKE THEM TO AN INTERACTIVE SCIENCE MUSEUM. TAKE THEM TO AN INTERACTIVE SCIENCE MUSE-

-They’d be so cute. Let them be children again! Izuku won’t be able to keep his hands off anything and Shinsou will be sooooo fascinated. But also, expect your purple haired boyfriend to make lots of sarcastic jokes about it at first. He might need to warm up a bit to it but he’ll want to go back afterwards for sure.

-If you don’t already have a cat, you now have several. It started with one- a really cute kitten followed Shinsou home one day without him realizing (or at least, that’s what he told you), and it was all downhill after that. Izuku was fine with the first one; it was cute, little, and completely loving. But then it happened again. And...again.

-You and Shinsou found the third little kitty in a big cardboard box with “Free Kittens” written on the side of it when you were walking downtown and of COURSE how could you just leave him there!?

-Izuku tried. He really tried. He didn’t want a third cat, and you already had two, and he was literally in the middle of trying to make a point about it when you blurted out a name for it and he knew then and there it was hopeless.

-Shinsou, immediately after you named it: “See? He has to stay now. Y/N named him.” Izuku still loves you, Shinsou, and the cats regardless. You’re a happy little family.

-If Shinsou is upset, you and Izuku will gift him a cat in his lap to help him feel better. If one of you is upset, he will absolutely do the same with an added Hang In There! cat meme. It makes Izuku smile and you find it funny. 

-And speaking of memes, they might as well be a love language for the three of you. There is a group chat that you have dedicated to just memes that you send each other. Shinsou primarily sends cat memes, Izuku sends All Might and other hero memes and just random ones that remind him of you and Shinsou, and you send whatever garbage you can find to make them laugh. There have been times where one of you are only a room away from each other sending memes and listening to the other laugh about it through the wall.

-If Deku has the day off and Shinsou doesn’t have to work that night, it’s not uncommon for the three of you to stay up late with each other and just catch up over a warm drink. It’s different for everyone; Shinsou has decaf coffee (Izuku will mother hen him if he drinks caffeinated anything after 6pm), Izu usually makes hot chocolate or tea, and you have your drink of choice.

-Often times your conversations last until early in the morning. You all just check up on each other and talk about life or your hopes and dreams and worries, and it’s an effective and good way of communication between the three of you. 

-It’s cozy and comfy, and it’s hard to tell who’s who when you’re a mess of tangled limbs under a giant fluffy blanket. And then of course the cats join in when they want!

-If Shinsou is exceptionally tired, he falls asleep first. This makes both you and Izuku happy since the poor guy hardly gets any quality sleep. But more often than not, Izuku will pass out first since he works days, and you go next with Shinsou following you. 

-Overall just a really fun relationship to be in, and it’s filled with joy and laughter and love. You will always feel protected and cared for and understood when you’re with the both of them.

:)

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Yuru Yuri

Sometimes, it feels like time is moving faster than we can keep up with it. That’s true for a lot of aspects of life, but it’s especially true with art and entertainment. The Avengers barely came out a decade ago, and yet it feels like popular cinema has already completely re-oriented itself around that movie’s success, for good or ill. Movies, TV, video games, music, all change and evolve so fast that even just looking back a few years in the past feels like a peek into an entirely different era. Things that were fresh and exciting when you were ten suddenly become stale and played out by the time you turn twenty. Blame the internet, blame the audience, but that’s just how things are now.

All this is to say, Yuru Yuri is nowhere near an old show in the grand scheme of things. But watching it eleven years later made me feel very, very old indeed.

On a base level, Yuru Yuri is like any standard-issue Cute Girls Doing Cute Things you can think of. You’ve got a central group of four moeblobs in an all-girls school, a supposed afterschool club that’s really just an excuse for said girls to goof off and get up to silly shenanigans, the student council wants to shut them down but really just exists to provide some quirky side characters, and the overarching plot is basically nonexistent. The two gimmicks that set it apart are 1) The genki baka protagonist is such a nothing character that her non-presence is the central joke of her role in the show, and she’s often completely ignored in favor of focusing on any other character, and 2) It’s gay. And I don’t mean the usual wink-wink-nudge-nudge-imply-but-never-confirm stuff endemic to the CGDCT genre; these girls are actually, explicitly down bad for each other. Other than that, though, is is as barebones as Cute Girls shows get, a pure gag comedy that rises and falls solely on the strength of its characters and jokes. Those looking for meatier, more substantial storytelling need not apply.

To be clear, being barebones and solely a gag comedy isn’t a bad thing. I’ve enjoyed plenty of shows that are mostly just excuses to stack jokes on top of each other as fast as possible. And for the most part, Yuru Yuri is funny. There’s at least a few good jokes every episode, nothing that makes me laugh out loud but plenty that makes me snicker. Akari’s non-presence as a protagonist is pretty entertaining, especially when she keeps getting muscled out of introducing each episode. There’s solid comedic timing, witty banter, decent chemistry, all the things you need for a good character-based comedy. Props also to Doga Koba on the animation front; the way everyone’s faces and bodies squish and contort really enhances the absurdity of some of these gags. Character animation is often something of an afterthought in anime comedy, but Yuru Yuri embraces it to great effect. As disposable popcorn fluff goes, you could do a lot worse.

So why does this show make me feel so tired?

This was the question I found myself asking all throughout Yuru Yuri. I’d reach the end of an episode- an episode with plenty of jokes and moments that legitimately entertained me- and my first thought would be, “I really don’t want to watch another one.” As funny as the jokes were in the moment, my enjoyment of them always seemed to dribble away into indifference by the time the episode was over. Something about this show just was. Not. Clicking. And if the problem isn’t the jokes themselves, then the issue must lie in the other half of the equation: the yuri.

Now, this may come as a shock to you, but I am a huge fan of yuri. It’s okay, take a moment to pick your jaws up off the floor. Lots of my favorite anime are yuri. My favorite love story of all time is yuri. Aside from One Piece, yuri manga are basically the only manga I read. Falling in love with yuri was a huge step in my journey to realizing I was genderfluid. I can gush about Symphogear, Revue Starlight, Flip Flappers, Demon Girl Next Door, Hibike Euphonium (it counts fuck you fight me), Revolutionary Girl Utena, Mage and Demon Queen, Bloom Into You, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Kase-san, and Adachi and Shimamura until I’m blue in the face. The depiction of WLW romances in fiction means a lot to me. So a show like Yuru Yuri, who’s central gimmick is all about girls being gay for each other? I should eat that shit up like popcorn, no questions asked.

And then the first gay thing that happens in this show is Akari’s sister being a siscon who plasters every square inch of her room with pictures of Akari in a reveal set to horror movie music.

This is the last we see or hear of Akari’s sister in the entire first season. It’s never brought up again, it’s never a relevant factor in anyone characterization, it’s just a one-off gag that doesn’t mean anything. But this... jarring first impression sets a tone that the show never manages to shake off.  And this is far from the last, for lack of a better word, Problematic(tm) joke to be found here. Boob jokes and unwanted groping are frequent sources of comedy. The vast majority of kisses are sexual assault played for laughs, often showing the victim crying and dead-eyed after being forced to kiss someone against their will. There’s an implied relationship between a student and a teacher that I’m hoping it just one-sided feelings on the student’s part, but I can’t really be sure. And of course, because this is an episodic comedy with no ongoing story and can’t shake up its status quo, none of these potential relationships ever progress beyond their tropey starting point. The characters are perpetually locked in a cycle of expressing and hinting at gay feelings for each other without ever acting on them in any meaningful way, trapped at a distance from each other that makes real romantic chemistry impossible.

Perhaps it’s unfair of me to expect true emotional intimacy from a gag comedy. But as someone who’s only recently begun to understand myself as queer, there’s something incredibly alienating about Yuru Yuri’s depiction of queerness. When you sell your show on being gay and you introduce that gayness with “lol creepy incest,” when the only real moments of physical affection are assault played for laughs, that makes me question who this show is being made for and why. What, exactly, is supposed to be entertaining about a world where queerness is omnipresent but hollow? Where the comedy is all about being gay and yet actual relatable gay interactions are nowhere to be found? Hell, even a show as mediocre as Asteroid in Love had yuri elements that felt somewhat genuine, if idealized, to the experience of being in love with another girl. Compared to that, Yuru Yuri might as well take place on another planet.

Maybe a comparison will help. Do you guys remember when I reviewed Tonikawa back in Fall 2020? How I described it as a wish-fulfilment power fantasy that commodifies the concept of marriage itself as something to be consumed for personal benefit? To quote myself from that review:

“It cares about marriage as a commodity. Something to be packaged and handed out as a reward... a shallow grab-bag of surface-level treats to be indulged in mindlessly with no consideration for the girl on the other side... something to consume like a chocolate cake with no need to worry about putting in actual effort.”

Well, swap out “marriage” for “yuri”, and that’s how I feel about Yuru Yuri as well. It’s a fetishization of lesbian romance in the same way Tonikawa was a fetishization of straight romance, a buffet of yuri for an audience to shove down their gullets by the fistful wholly disconnected from the reality of gay love. Take a scoop from the Comedic Assault tray! Here’s a dollop of Unwanted Groping! Make sure to fill up a plate with That One Girl with Yuri Goggles and Nosebleeds! While you’re at it, grab a nice hot bowl of Sexually Charged Rivalry! Don’t miss out on the Adoring Kouhai Moments! And how about a dash of Siscon just to spice things up? It’s all-you-can-eat, so stop worrying whether or not it’s healthy for you and dig right in! Eat, eat, eat to your heart’s content!

What’s that? You want an actual sit-down dinner prepared with love and care? A full three courses of Actual Gay Romance? Well, I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong restaurant.

And that, in the end, is why Yuru Yuri makes me feel so old. This show feels like a relic from a time when this was all yuri could be in anime, when this grab-bag of tropes that barely danced around the reality of gay feelings was the best we could hope for out of supposedly “gay” anime. Sure, shows like Revolutionary Girl Utena and Cardcaptor Sakura had already proven the power of queer romance well before Yuru Yuri, but they were more exceptions than the rule. Now, though? Bloom Into You is one of the most beloved, well-respected manga of all time. Symphogear’s final season was one of the highest-selling anime of its year. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid is one of Kyoto Animation’s biggest success stories, especially with the second season being their triumphant return from 2019′s arson attack. And even on the BL side of things, shows like Yuri on Ice and Given have further pushed the boundaries for the popularity of gay romance in anime. Never mind the explosion of Western cartoons that have embraced gay romance over the past decade. There’s still much progress to be made, sure, but queer stories have come so far since the olden days of 2011. And watching Yuru Yuri today, all I can think is how much better things have gotten since then.

Yes, there are still funny jokes to be found here. No, this one show is not some immoral disgrace on the medium. But looking at Yuru Yuri from a modern perspective, all I see is the symbol of a vapid, shrink-wrapped, insincere perspective on queerness from days gone by. We’ve outgrown the kind of yuri this show represents, and in my eyes, we’re all the better for it. So in the end, I can only give this first season a score of:

4.5/10

Hopefully future seasons will be better. But I won’t be checking them out quite yet; I’ve got a 2012 poll to make first. See you then!

[zedwards]

MOVIE DATES WITH STRAY KIDS

stray kids x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: intended for male reader, but can be read as gender neutral; my first fic 👉👈 im nervous; lowercase aesthetic; does “bastard” count as a swear word..?

i hope you enjoy this little gift :)

bang chan

he likes romantic comedies

tbh being chan’s s/o would feel like a romcom of its own

since he doesn’t like crowds, your movie dates together usually wouldn’t involve actually going to the movies

instead you’d probably both opt to stay in for the night and watch a movie on the couch

under multiple blankets

in each other’s arms

hugs and cuddles

with the occasional kiss on the top of your head

it’s so soft

it’s chan :)))

he does the little claps at the end of the movie

because happy endings ^–^

y’know those awkward scenes where the main couple meets for the first time?

he likes to point out which character you were most similar to when the two of you first met

“i didn’t know you were in this movie!”

“you look so different! i could hardly recognize you!”

he’s such a dork

all your movie nights would end in one of three ways:

1.) you falling asleep in his arms

2.) him falling asleep holding you close (yeah not really, this man doesn’t sleep that much T_T)

or 3.) you both make it through the movie, and one of you says something like

“this is nice...i wish we could just stay like this”

and so you both (in theory) fall asleep right where you are

either way, chan is the best boyfriend and neither of you know what you did to deserve each other

lee know

he’d get you to go see a horror movie

even if you protest, he’d manage to convince you somehow

pokes fun at you every time you get scared

during a suspenseful part in the movie, he’d suddenly put his hands on your shoulders and shake you (lightly) out of nowhere, just to startle you

and he’d have to stifle his giggles because your reaction is just too priceless

absolutely relishes in how you never let go of his arm

like ever

seriously, his arm might as well be an extension of your body at this point

he may act like he’s annoyed

but he loves it

cuz he knows it’s because you feel safe with him

and if you hide your face in the crook of his neck

he’d get this look on his face...

something between an evil smirk and an amused grin

why? because his plan is working

plot twist: the whole reason he chose to see a horror movie with you was so that you would cling to him

surprise!! >:]

but even if you catch on, he’ll never admit it

tsundere

“did you even see any of the movie?”

you just kinda grumble in response, still latched onto his arm

“i can’t believe it... i so generously paid for your ticket, only for you to hide your face the whole ti- OW!”

you jab him in the side with your elbow give him a “love tap” :)

but it’ll take more than that to get him to stop teasing you about it

he’s a cocky bastard but you love him to death for it

seo changbin

superhero movie!!!

like something from the mcu

seeing him get so excited/invested in the movie??

wholesome

but he might get a little too excited

in other words, going to the movies with changbin is an...interactive experience

meaning that he talks at the movie

not to the movie, but at the movie

like...he talks at the characters on screen

as if they can hear him

honestly it’s kinda cute

but occasionally you have to remind him to keep his voice down

“HE TRIED TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE STONE”

“shhhh alright calm down a bit-”

“...AND NOW YOU DEAD”

“changbin i love you but please don’t get us kicked out of the theater”

10/10 would have his arm around you throughout the movie

even if his arm goes numb, he’d refuse to let anything stop him

“changbin, you don’t have t-”

“CUDDLES.”

lowkey feels like a pillow

bc he beefy

on very rare occasions he might fall asleep during the movie

if he does end up dozing off and you catch him in the act, he’d deny it profusely

he likes to spontaneously slip his hand into yours :)

and lace your fingers together :))

you’re holding hands now :)))

his presence is just so warm and fuzzy and you make each other so happy

hwang hyunjin

THIS MAN

the funnest(?) most fun bf in existence

he’s definitely the type to try and smuggle outside food into the theater

he insists that he’s inconspicuous about it

and he tries to be

but he’s not :)

“uh... hyunjin, why are you wearing two hoodies?”

“i uh... i’m... cold?”

“so you’re sticking bags of microwaveable popcorn in between your sweatshirts...to keep warm?”

*visibly sweating* “i can explain...”

ok ok

so y’all seeing a comedy

why?

because HIS LAUGH OMG

it’s so bubbly and contagious

so naturally, you’d both be laughing up a storm at the back of the theater

and sometimes it’s because of the movie

but most of the time it’s because of the side comments the two of you keep making to each other

and it doesn’t help that he keeps making these ridiculous observations about the characters in the movie

“what’s up with that guy?”

“what about him?”

“why is he built like a refrigerator?”

about halfway through the movie, you both reach that delirious state where literally anything and everything becomes funny

even if it’s not supposed to be funny

...especially if it’s not supposed to be funny

the two of you? lowkey hyenas

long story short, you’re both asked to leave the theater not even two hours into the film :)

han jisung

action!! movie!!

finishes the popcorn within the first ten minutes of the film

that is, if he doesn’t scarf it all down during the previews

he talks through the entIRE THING

he’s always got something to say

it’s like watching the director’s commentary version of a movie

but instead of the director talking about the film-making process

it’s jisung muttering nonsense in your ear

sometimes pertaining to the movie

and other times...

“hey did i ever tell you about the time i saw a seagull eating garbage?”

...yeah, other times it’s...not

either way, you don’t mind

because you aren’t really paying much attention to the movie anyways

you’re too busy admiring your boyfriend

how could you not?

the way he’s on the edge of his seat, giving the movie his full attention...

the light from the screen flickering dimly on his face, highlighting his gentle features...

you’re the luckiest person in the world, no doubt

his eyes light up whenever something particularly cool/badass happens in the movie

but he also gets startled by the explosions every now and then

when that happens, you just look at each other for a moment

and then burst into a fit of giggles

“stoooppp!! it was loud, ok??”

you just hum in response and rest your head on his shoulder

y’know that thing he does where like...

he’s giggling, but he has something he wants to say, so he keeps trying to talk?

but his words keep getting cut off by his own laughter?

yeah... that’s what he’s doing

he’s adorable

lee felix

animated movie

a firm believer that you’re never too old to enjoy cartoons

he never lost that child-like energy/enthusiasm, which is part of what makes him such a gem

so of course, when the new disney movie came out, he knew he had to go see it with you

he would definitely load up on snacks from concessions

if you don’t stop him, he’s gonna be buying two giant things of popcorn and at least five different kinds of candy

and when he walks back to you after paying, he’d just smile brightly from behind the mountain of junk food in his hands like

“snacks :D!!!!!”

seriously though, try to keep track of how much popcorn he eats

bc he might overeat and get a stomachache :((

obviously he can take care of him self, cuz he’s an adult

but like

he loves when you look out for him

because he knows just how much you care about him

sunshine boy :((

y’all already know how much of a cuddle bug this man is

so of course that means lots of cute, affectionate gestures during the movie

skinship

holding hands

you resting your head on his shoulder

and him resting his head on top of your head

and most importantly SNUGGLES

snuggles are a must

for him, movie dates are just an excuse to be extra touchy with you

even though he never needs an excuse to get cuddles whenever he wants

because c’mon

it’s felix

what are you gonna do, say no?

kim seungmin

murder mystery film

tends not to talk all that much during movies

he’d just be so completely engrossed in the movie that he’d forget about his surroundings

but that’s not to say he won’t hold your hand or drape his arm over your shoulders

every now and then you can catch him leaning forward in his seat

with his mouth slightly ajar

it’s so endearing

but if for whatever reason you want to get his attention...

heh...

yeah, good luck with that

you’d have to maybe give his hand a lil squeeze to get his attention

and at first he’d just turn his head in your direction, keeping his eyes glued to the movie

but if you gave his hand another squeeze, he’d snap out of it

“psst...seungmin”

“mm.”

“hey, seungmin?”

“huh? yeah?”

“i love you”

if that doesn’t make his heart SWELL—

his dazed expression would quickly shift into one of pure elation and fondness

he might not respond verbally

but he’d gently bring your hand up to his lips

press a soft kiss atop your knuckles

and then lower your hand again without letting go, turning his attention back to the movie

but that bright smile of his would never falter for even a moment

he loves you too

so so much :)

yang jeongin

another one for romantic comedies

he likes it when there’s a little less “rom” and slightly more “com”

and so do you

because it means you get to hear his laugh more

oh god...

his laugh

the little giggles in between the short gasps for air...

so cute

“no. i’m not cute.”

he is very cute

probably won’t initiate any skinship

but if you do, he will absolutely go along with it

sometimes he’ll nod off in the middle of a movie

and then wake up during the credits, completely disoriented

“where am i”

“you fell asleep”

“huh??”

“you drooled a little on my shoulder, you goof”

unlike hyunjin, he’s really good at sneaking food into the theaters

like really really good

almost to the point that it’s scary

usually people try to sneak in popcorn or candy or maybe soda

well not jeongin

“hey, you want some?”

“what the- HOW DID YOU GET A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN IN HERE”

“:]”

he’s not telling

like or reblog if you enjoyed ^^ feedback is always welcome and very much appreciated!

[gukyi]

the coffee shop contract | jjk

summary: apparently, having an instagram profile with a different girl in every picture is reason enough for your friends to strike up a deal where they’ll pay you to have a relationship. well, jeon jungkook’s no good at relationships, but a fake relationship isn’t a real relationship. is it?

{fake dating!au, college!au}

pairing: jungkook x female reader genre: just fluff because i have a one-genre mindset word count: 18k warnings: alcohol consumption but no main character is overly drunk, dumb college antics, i know this is a fic but please don’t do these things in college actually a/n: yes, this story is actually based on a real instagram account my friend showed me in college. oh yeah, college? that’s a thing. i’m sorry for taking so long with this fic, i’m trying my best but college is hard. please wait patiently for me and enjoy this plotless piece of garbage!

Jeon Jungkook thinks that his college experience is overwhelmingly standard. He goes to his classes (most of the time), goes to parties on the weekends (sometimes), goofs off with his friends when he’s supposed to be studying (all of the time), and eats like shit. 

(The plus side to his eating-like-shit habits is that he’s a gym junkie, which means that in theory, every time he exercises he burns off all of the shit and just leaves the energy behind. In theory.)

He operates under the assumption that he leads a very normal college life. He is but a typical student with a very small budget who detests the fact that he has to buy brand new versions of his textbooks just so he can get the online access code. He thinks he’s nothing but average. 

His friends think differently. 

“It’s not that weird, guys,” Jungkook insists in a group study room one day, where neither he nor his friends happen to be studying. In fact, Jungkook’s laptop is dead. He forgot his charger in his bedroom. He has no idea what he thought he would be doing when Taehyung texted and asked if he wanted to come and study with them. 

They are doing anything but studying. 

Taehyung has been on his phone the entire time, and the same topic of conversation that circles their friend group every now and then is at hand. “Yes it is, Jungkook,” he insists. He holds his phone up to both Jungkook and Jimin to prove a point. “Think about it. Okay, I’m scrolling back and forth on Tinder—”

“You just swiped right on some random dude,” Jungkook points out monotonously, a single eyebrow raised. Next to him, Jimin bursts into the laughter he was doing a poor job of holding in. “Why do you even have Tinder? You’re dating someone, and he’s sitting right next to you.”

“Fuck,” Taehyung mutters in exclamation, quickly pulling his phone back to try and rectify his carelessness. “Wait, never mind, he’s cute.” Jungkook shakes his head to himself. “Stop trying to distract me! I’m trying to explain something to you!”

Taehyung resumes. 

“Anyway, think about it. I’m scrolling back and forth on Tinder and I see this cute guy who goes to my school named Jungkook. His pictures feature some pretty decent selfies, no workout or shirtless pics, and an awful shot of him with two hot dogs shoved into his mouth at once, courtesy of his best friend,” Taehyung explains, beaming. He even makes a point to pull up the aforementioned hot dog picture. It’s not pretty, but it’s a good conversation starter. “His bio is pretty standard, likes adventuring, hates doing required readings for class, lives off of coffee. I like the look of him.”

“Get to the point, Tae,” Jungkook says with a sigh, tossing his head back in exasperation. It’s not as if he’s in any sort of rush to move on from the conversation because he has something better to do, because he doesn’t. He just doesn’t need to be grilled like this. 

“I go to look him up on Instagram, because maybe he’s the kind of guy to have his profile public for the viewing of others.” Taehyung pulls up Jungkook’s Instagram. He had forgotten about how good his aesthetic was. “Lo and behold, his profile is public! Hurrah! I can stalk him happily just to see if he really is my type. But, wait, what’s this?”

Jungkook facepalms. 

Taehyung keeps going, scrolling further and further down Jungkook’s page. “It looks like every single Instagram post is with a different girl. Wait! Maybe they’re the same one—nope, they just did their hair similarly. Huh. That’s strange. Every picture features a different girl, no repeats. Now I really don’t think I want to swipe right anymore. So I go back to Tinder, and I avoid the guy by the name of Jungkook at all costs.”

Jungkook thinks that maybe he shouldn’t have come to the group study room at all. Maybe, if he leaves now under the excuse that he forgot his laptop charger, he just won’t have to come back. Ever. For the rest of his educational career. 

Taehyung puts his phone down on the table with a smack, staring at Jungkook with an extremely unimpressed look on his face. 

“Are you going to do this every time I tell you I went on a date and I don’t think I want to go on another one?” Jungkook frowns. Maybe he needs new friends. Maybe that would be a better solution. 

“Yes, because you’re a stand-up guy who’s funny and smart and got a hot ‘bod and you can’t seem to tie down anybody for more than a couple of months, max,” Taehyung tells him pointedly. He’s always been extremely good at backhanded compliments. “Aside from us, your best friends.”

“I’m rethinking the ‘best friends’ part,” Jungkook says. He can’t believe it, but he thinks he would rather be studying. 

“You wouldn’t do that to the man who paid for new Airpods for you!” Taehyung cries out, loud enough for someone in the main study room to turn around and glare at the three of them. 

“You’re the one who broke them! You dropped them on the street and let some biker ride right over them!” Jungkook reminds him, eyes wide. He remembers the image vividly, Taehyung snatching his earphones out of his hands as they walked towards their favorite Korean place, watching them tumble right out of his slippery fingers and onto the pavement, and a bicyclist with those flashing red lights attached their handles coming speeding down, right over the case. It was the most tragic thing that Jungkook has ever witnessed. 

“And I bought you brand new ones that were engraved with your name like a good, rich best friend would.” He may be an eclectic international student majoring in economics like half of the campus, but at least Taehyung’s self aware. 

“Well, it’s not like Jungkook’s going to redo his entire Instagram feed or anything,” Jimin adds callously. Someone gets it. “He’s got this whole muted, neutral-toned aesthetic going on. He also doesn’t seem to mind the lack of commitment.”

Taehyung tuts, shaking his head. He’s still on page one of his fifty-page reading on Economic Disparities in the Post-Cold War Global Stage. He has not even picked up his highlighter. “That’s where you’re wrong, sweet Jiminie.”

“I know you guys are dating, but please never say the phrase ‘Sweet Jiminie’ in front of me ever again,” Jungkook pleads. 

“I’m willing to wager that with the right incentive, Jungkook will actually make an attempt at maintaining a real, long-term, committed relationship with someone he’s genuinely interested in,” Taehyung says, a devilish glint lacing his dark brown eyes. 

Jungkook hates that look. It’s the same look he had when he suggested they roll their office chairs down the hall of the dorm at three in the morning freshman year. Same look he had when he had Jungkook take sensual nudes of him to send to Jimin pre-relationship because Jungkook apparently had the photography skills of Photous, the photography god (that Taehyung is convinced exists in Greek mythology). Same look he had right before he downed five Monster drinks consecutively, which had the opposite of the intended effect and caused him to pass out in the group study room. 

“No favor you could do for me would make me even consider accepting this wager,” Jungkook tells him immediately. He loves his best friend, but multiple times Taehyung has said he’d do Jungkook’s laundry and ended up turning all of his white belongings pink—his bedsheets, towels, and a couple of his favorite shirts are now all cotton candy-tinged. 

Taehyung shakes his head. “I’m not talking about favors, young padawan. I am talking cash, the cold, hard kind that you can feel clenched between your closed fist.”

Taehyung comes from a family with money to burn but never does he spend it so recklessly. Except maybe when he bought five Monster drinks with the intention to drink them all like vodka shots. He shuffles around his backpack (work still forgotten) before pulling out his wallet, slapping two hundred dollars onto the table in front of them. 

Jungkook, the money-starved college student he is, immediately reaches out for the stack of bills, but Taehyung nabs it from him before he can regain any semblance of personal dignity. 

“Ah ah ah,” he tuts condescendingly. Jungkook shrinks back into his wheely chair as he reminds himself that while taking Taehyung’s money may have short-term benefits, he will feel long-term guilt. “Not yet, Jungkookie. First, you need to accept and complete the wager.”

Jungkook huffs. This feels like a drug deal. “Specifications,” he coughs out. 

“If you actually find yourself in a committed, loving, uplifting, and completely real relationship with someone that you are mutually attracted to for longer than three months, with at least three Instagram posts of them on your page, I will give you money,” Taehyung says. This immediately crosses out Jungkook’s plan to coerce his favorite music production major (and other best friend), Min Yoongi, into helping him.

Jungkook narrows his eyes. “How much money?”

Taehyung ponders the question for a moment, checking his wallet one more time just to make sure the same amount that was in there two minutes ago is still there now. “I’ll be generous,” he says with a shrug. “Four hundred.”

Jungkook’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. Sure, he’s well aware that his best friend is one-hundred percent loaded, but four hundred dollars could finance his textbooks for the next two semesters, probably. It could buy him a new computer program and matching equipment for his average mixtape-making skills. He could send it home to his parents and they could go on a wholesale store shopping spree. They could buy him all the granola bars and multigrain crackers he could ever dream of. 

“Are you serious?” Jungkook asks, gobsmacked. 

Taehyung nods nonchalantly. “Yeah, why not? If you didn’t use the money, then I’d just buy some dumbass shit like more energy drinks. I’d say it’s a pretty good use of my cash.”

Jimin’s looking at Jungkook like he’d be a fool not to accept the deal. Jungkook wonders what the harm is. He succeeds, and not only does he get four hundred dollars, he also gets to be in a genuinely enjoyable relationship with someone he actually cares about. He’s in college, too, which means that it’s the perfect time to make some possibly-regrettable and extremely stupid decisions. And maybe, for once in his life, Taehyung’s right. Maybe having an Instagram feed with a different girl in each picture gives off fuckboy-let’s hook up and then I’ll never speak to you ever again vibes. Maybe he should really rethink his Instagram aesthetic. 

“Choose quickly, Jungkookie, or I might come to my senses and go buy one hundred Chicken McNuggets with the money instead,” Taehyung advises. 

Taehyung’s hand makes to put the two hundred dollars clenched between his fingers back in his wallet, and that’s when Jungkook impulsively shouts, “Yes! I’ll do it. Fine. Whatever.”

Taehyung cackles like the Wicked Witch of the West. Jungkook wonders if there’s a downside to this. 

But to his clouded, 1AM mind, surrounded by friends that make him lose even more brain cells, it seems like the perfect decision. 

“You do realize that Taehyung is basically paying you to court someone, right?” Yoongi asks over coffee the next day. It’s four in the afternoon, Jungkook’s finished with classes, Yoongi hasn’t started his homework, the both of them have ordered the most caffeinated drinks possible. 

“So?” Jungkook asks as he takes another sip, shivers as he feels it run through his blood. 

“So, any person you actually try and date for the next three months will find out about the deal one way or another and then feel used, and you’ll feel shitty. If you do somehow manage to date someone for the next three months successfully, they’ll find out about the money and dump your dumb ass,” Yoongi explains callously. He downs half of his coffee in a single go. 

Jungkook grins. “I’m really loving the confidence that all of my friends have in me when it comes to maintaining long-term relationships. It makes me feel so great.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “You know that I’m right, Jungkook. You can’t just accept this deal and expect the person you end up dating, if you even end up dating someone, not to find out. That’s unrealistic and basically grounds for a terrible breakup rom-com.”

“I already told him that I’d do it. I want the money because I am a broke college student. It seemed like a no-brainer at the time,” Jungkook says, exasperated. He sighs into his coffee and the foam wobbles. “What am I supposed to do? Tell Taehyung that the deal’s off and let him make fun of me for the rest of recorded human history?” Jungkook whines. 

“I don’t think he’ll do that.”

He definitely will. Taehyung’s gravestone will say Don’t Forget to Find Jeon Jungkook’s Grave and Laugh At Him For Me. Jungkook will spend the rest of eternity buried six feet under with random strangers laughing at him until the sun absorbs the Earth and wipes out life on the planet entirely. 

“Yes he will,” says Jungkook, pouting. “What other option do I have?”

A chair screeches on the wooden floor next to him and Yoongi and suddenly, someone speaks. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping even though I definitely was, and I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to be in some sort of monetary predicament,” you say, looking at Jungkook with wide eyes. You look familiar, but Jungkook can’t place where from. Maybe one of his classes?

“Can I help you?” Jungkook asks, taken aback by your sudden brazenness. The last time Jungkook came face to face with someone so shameless was the first time he met Seokjin while at a house party in Namjoon’s apartment. Seokjin walked through the front doors blasting Who Let the Dogs Out from his iPhone and immediately declared himself king of the household before Namjoon could even say hello. 

You shrug, shoulders nonchalant and unbothered. “I think I’m the one who should be asking you that question.”

Jungkook’s flabbergasted. He turns to Yoongi, who, like he does with most things that don’t directly involve him, seems to have already assumed a hands-off position. Like it’s not his problem that his best friend has just been approached by a random stranger in a coffeeshop who looks to be promising a solution to his problems. Like the Shadow Man from Disney’s Princess and the Frog. Like a mafia boss. 

With a non-comforting pat on Jungkook’s back, Yoongi stands up, finishes the rest of his coffee in a single gulp, and says, “Looks like this one’s on you, ‘Kook.” He doesn’t say anything else and, five seconds later, he’s gone. 

“Jungkook, right?” You ask the moment Yoongi’s out the door. You’ve fully shifted your chair to face Jungkook, and Jungkook doesn’t know where to look when your eyes are staring right at him. 

“How do you know my na—”

“I’m Y/N. I hope you don’t mind me barging in on your conversation like this,” you say, not at all deterred by Jungkook’s very obvious bewilderment. 

“Um—”

“See, I was just drinking my hot chocolate even though it’s still warm outside, and I overheard that you were in quite the dilemma,” you say. Even though you technically aren’t invading any of his actual personal space—you’re not touching the table, accidentally brushing your foot against his leg, leaning in aggressively close—Jungkook feels like you couldn’t be any nearer to him. Like all this overwhelming forwardness and confidence is rendering him speechless and keenly cognizant of his personal bubble. “And I’m here to propose a solution.”

“Do you go here?” Jungkook somehow manages to get out. 

“Me? Yeah, I’m majoring in communications,” you tell him casually. Jungkook wonders why he’s not surprised to hear that. 

“Okay…” Jungkook still doesn’t know what to say. 

“In any case, in the past five minutes I’ve spent listening to you talk about how your friends said they’d pay you if you managed to date someone for more than three months, I’ve devised a foolproof solution that benefits all parties involved,” you tell him like you’re trying to get him to sign onto a business deal. Jungkook swears that there must be fine print somewhere. He just can’t tell where. 

Jungkook raises his eyebrows. He’s interested. “Which is…?”

“Date me.”

If Jungkook’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when Taehyung pulled out that fat stack of cash in the group study room, they must jump right out and roll onto the wooden floor at this.

“I’m sorry, w-what?” Jungkook sputters, like he hadn’t heard you correctly even though he definitely had. He was expecting something maybe more in the realm of counselor, like tell your friends you don’t want to do the deal, if they’re really your friends they’ll honor your wishes, or maybe even on the opposite side of the spectrum, like if you run away to Norway now and change your identity they’ll never be able to find you, here I know a guy. Not date me. 

Certainly not Date Me. 

“Date me,” you repeat. It’s the simplest phrase. And yet, it befuddles Jungkook more than his theoretical computer science class does. “Maybe I should rephrase it. Fake date me. How’s that sound?”

Jungkook lets out something between a cough, a chuckle, and the noise a dying Canadian goose would make. 

“Basically, what I’m thinking, what my vision is, is that you and I agree to fake date for two weeks past the designated period—in your case, three months. This prevents your friends from thinking that the whole relationship was all for show and so you can preserve your dignity. I, as your honorable and true girlfriend, will do any and all things necessary to make your friends believe that you are genuinely committed to our relationship. Then, your friends pay you after the three months is up, and because it takes two to tango, I get half. Sound good?” You propose. You seem to have thought of everything. 

The first problem is that Jungkook doesn’t know how he’s going to maintain the facade of a real relationship with someone he 1) barely knows and 2) barely knows. The reason he doesn’t commit to anything isn’t because he’s afraid of commitment (okay, maybe he is) but because all of the dates he ever goes on are Tinder dates or hookups-post-one-night-stand. He doesn’t date people he’s already familiar with, and then it never goes further. Even if he didn’t meet you on Tinder or sleep with you after a shitty frat party, he doesn’t see how this scenario is much different. 

The second problem is that, true to his college student nature, Jungkook is starved for cash. When Taehyung promised him four hundred dollars, he immediately began thinking of ways to spend each and every cent. But the prospect of him losing half of that money to someone he barely knows has him more than hesitant. How will his parents go on their wholesale store shopping spree without four hundred in cash to blow? If Jungkook wants those four hundred dollars so badly, why not put in the effort?

The third problem is that Jungkook is a phenomenally terrible actor. When he was in grade school and everybody had to participate in the class play on why smoking is bad for you, Jungkook’s role was Kid In The Background Sitting On A Chair Reading A Book. He was on stage for a total of two minutes as the main character was peer pressured into smoking, and he never set foot on it again. 

So, if Jungkook were to arrange this into a five-paragraph essay with Times New Roman size twelve font, he’d have a pretty good argument for why your proposal is probably not a good idea. 

But then, Jungkook is reminded of a few key things that keep him from declining right off the bat. 

First, he’s already said yes. Which means that, if he wants those four hundred dollars, he’s going to have to go through with Taehyung’s deal. 

Second, going through with Taehyung’s deal and keeping the four hundred dollars all to himself will require lots of effort on his part. He will have to keep going on dates until he finds someone he clicks with, and then he will have to keep going on dates with that specific person for the next three months and develop a meaningful relationship. 

Third, Yoongi’s right, as he usually is. Even if Jungkook establishes a relationship, the deal will always be in the back of his mind, and the truth will eventually come out. This may lead to Jungkook’s first genuine heartbreak—if he’s committed to the relationship—and Jungkook isn’t mentally prepared for that either. 

And somehow, as Jungkook makes it through the labyrinth that is his mind, he comes to the overarching conclusion that maybe accepting your proposal isn’t such a bad idea after all. If you already know about the money, you’re willing to help him dupe his friends, and you don’t really care about splitting up in three and a half months, then the only thing that Jungkook is losing is two hundred dollars. And while that may be a lot, he’ll still have two hundred of his own to console him. 

Despite the lack of communication between the two of you, surrounded by the white noise of the ambient coffee shop, you don’t appear at all deterred by Jungkook’s radio silence. You’ve put the deal down on the table and are waiting for Jungkook to either pick it up or push it off. 

“You get half?” He asks, just for clarification. It’s difficult to miss the fact that you are, essentially, halving the benefits he’s reaping from accepting Taehyung’s deal. 

You nod. “Yup. But in return, any dates we go on I will pay for my share, so you don’t have to worry about that. I will also be a loving and doting girlfriend you gets you coffee, croissants, and Dunkin’ whenever you ask, and even sometimes when you don’t. So I think that it evens out.”

“You’re sure about this?” Jungkook asks. 

You laugh, cracking a smile that shows off your teeth and fills out your cheeks. Jungkook looks right at you, and maybe he doesn’t feel anything right now, but he thinks he might be able to find a friend in this along the way. “I’m the one who suggested it, aren’t I?”

Jungkook sits resolutely. He just prays that neither Taehyung nor Jimin ever find out about this. If they do, he really will have to escape to Norway and change his identity. 

“Okay,” Jungkook says, his eyes staring firmly into yours. “I’m in.”

Seeing as the both of you are college students with the most updated technology at your fingertips, you pull out your laptop and situate it between the both of you. You’ve shifted tables so now that you can face your future fake-boyfriend, and Jungkook feels more and more like he’s signing up for some shady website in the hope that it’ll give him the answers to his problem set. Immediately, you share a Google Doc with him. 

“What should we call it?” You ask, cursor hovering over the Untitled document. 

“The contract?” Jungkook suggests weakly. He was never good at titles. 

“The Coffee Shop Contract,” you add on, typing it dutifully into the bar. “Sounds official.”

“It’s official because there’s money involved,” Jungkook points out. You wouldn’t be writing up this formal contract if you weren’t reaping any financial benefits so long as you both honor it. 

“Maybe it’s just because we don’t know each other yet, but you seem like the type of guy to swindle me out of promised cash,” you observe, albeit somewhat inaccurately. 

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I’m untrustworthy?” Jungkook asks, only a little offended. 

You purse your lips into a thin smile. “My friends make fun of you because you’ve got a different girl in every single one of your Instagram posts. Can you blame me?”

Jungkook tosses his head back, exasperated. “It’s not that weird!” He exclaims. 

“It’s kinda weird.”

You type up a brief outline of the requirements. It looks like this: 

The Coffee Shop Contract

Signatories Jungkook and Y/N.

This contract entails a fake relationship between the signatories of Jungkook and Y/N.

This fake relationship shall last no less than three months and one week and no longer than three months and two weeks. 

Both parties involved shall do any and all things possible to ensure that this fake relationship appears as realistic as possible. 

Both parties will pay for their share of any and all outings made together. 

Three Instagram posts on Jungkook’s account must be made throughout the duration of the relationship. 

Should this fake relationship be successful, Jungkook shall give half of his payment to Y/N as compensation for her efforts. 

No falling in love with each other.

No one can know. 

Signatures: _______________________ and __________________________

“What was the reason you needed to type up a whole contract? I thought we had already discussed all of this,” Jungkook asks when you’re finished, eyeing the document on the screen. It looks much too official for his liking. Jungkook, if he could, would probably write his essays on a series of Post-It Notes—specifically the accordion-style ones, because those bring more joy into Jungkook’s life than he cares to admit. 

“This solidifies it,” you inform him sternly, fingertips moving quickly across your keyboard. “So that way if either of us breaks the rules, the deal’s off.”

Jungkook frowns slightly, tilting his head. “What if we both break the rules?”

“Well then,” you tell him firmly, resolutely, putting your hand on top of his. Jungkook jumps slightly at the touch, but your palm is warm and it wraps around his with determination. “I suppose that we go down together, or we don’t go down at all.”

When Jungkook’s alarm goes off at ten o’clock that Sunday, the first person to say anything is Taehyung. He comes stumbling out of his bedroom in their two-bed one-bath off-campus apartment, hair disheveled and still wrapped up in the hoodie he’s been wearing for the past forty-eight hours. 

“Jungkook?” He asks hazily, voice muffled and thick from sleep and the retainers still in his mouth. “What are you doing up?”

Jungkook looks up from where he was mid-washing his mouth out post-teeth brush, and stares at Taehyung’s reflection in the mirror. The fluorescent light of their bathroom illuminates his undereye bags and the hickey he seems to have acquired in the past 12 hours extremely well. 

“Huh?” He asks, mouth only slightly full. 

“What are you doing up? Didn’t you get back at like, four last night?” Taehyung asks. He must faintly recall the door slamming shut as Jungkook stumbled back, the alcohol from whatever parties he ended up slowly making its way out of his system. Jungkook does not over-drink… but he also doesn’t under-drink. He was with Jimin the whole time, though, who was flat out hammered, and when Jungkook wrapped an arm around his waist and insisted he drop him back off at his apartment across the street from his and Taehyung’s, Jimin told Jungkook that he was very nice and attractive but that he had a boyfriend. 

Jungkook wonders if Jimin’s going to wake up before three this afternoon. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says. He splashes his face for good measure before slapping on some of the lotion they have on the edge of the sink that he always mistakes for soap. His mother told him that furiously smacking skincare into your face wakes you up and depuffs your eyes. So he does it. “I’m meeting someone for brunch.”

Taehyung slaps himself in the face. 

“Don’t tell me Jeon Jungkook is awake at ten in the morning to meet someone for brunch,” Taehyung says, even though that’s exactly what Jungkook is telling him. 

“I am,” says Jungkook. 

“Who?” Taehyung demands to know, leaning against the doorframe. While his body may be falling asleep, his mind sure still runs a mile a minute. 

“Uh, some girl,” Jungkook says, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as possible. Jungkook accepted Taehyung’s deal a week ago, and you had told him to only start mentioning ‘a girl’ after time had passed to keep Taehyung less suspicious. So you had texted him last night while he was four vodka shots into the night, saying that you should meet up for brunch the next day, and Jungkook, the dumbass he is, said yes without realizing the time you had suggested. 

And now he is paying the price in bags. 

Eye bags. 

“A girl?” Taehyung asks, immediately more awake. “Did you meet her last night?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jungkook lies. 

Taehyung scoffs. “Did she give you that?” He points to Jungkook’s neck. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook lies again.

“Wow, what a ladies’ man, huh?” Taehyung asks, giving Jungkook a good punch in the shoulder before he pulls his hoodie right over his head, tugs on the drawstrings for the South Park effect, and trots back to bed. 

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair before his eyes focus back on the hickey on his neck. He can’t remember a damn thing about who gave it to him. For all he knows, it could have been Jimin. Jimin has, for the record, mistaken Jungkook for Taehyung quite a few times when drunk, though clearly he was able to distinguish between the two of them last night. He grabs Taehyung’s concealer (which is two shades darker than his skin tone) from the cabinet behind the mirror, tries his best to hide it, and prays that you won’t make fun of him when you meet up. 

“The fuck is on your neck?” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when Jungkook appears at the corner table of the brunch place. He was late, as per usual, but only because Jimin came knocking on the door and Jungkook had to direct him to Taehyung’s room before he collapsed face-first on their couch and stayed there for the next two days. 

“Uh,” Jungkook says. 

“Is that a hickey? Are you attempting to conceal a hickey with concealer that is literally two shades darker than you?” You ask, squinting as you lean in. 

“Uh,” Jungkook says again. He sits down, because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“I ordered us orange juice already,” you tell him. “But it seems like you had a lot of fun last night. Care to tell me anything about it?”

Jungkook picks up the menu to keep his hands busy and give himself an excuse not to meet your eyes. The french toast looks good, and is less expensive than the avocado toast for some strange reason. Classic brunch problems. “I mean, it’s not really that important—”

“Hey,” you say, leaning over and snapping your fingers in front of his face to get his attention. “I’m your fake girlfriend now. I’m obligated to be interested in what activities you get up to when I’m not with you. So, what did you do last night?”

Jungkook figures that since he walked in here five minutes late with mismatched concealer poorly hiding a hickey, you have a right to know what the hell happened last night. If he even remembers what happened last night. 

“I went out around ten with my roommate’s boyfriend,” Jungkook begins, because that part he knows happened. 

“Wait, your roommate’s boyfriend? Why not your roommate, too?” You interrupt, though it’s a valid question. 

“Well, Taehyung’s not really a partier. I mean, he met his boyfriend, Jimin, at a party, but he doesn’t really like going out and getting drunk that much, and he’s also a damn lightweight so you really can’t take him anywhere unless you want hin clinging to your side the whole night,” Jungkook explains. 

“How did they meet?” You ask, not out of obligation but because you’re genuinely interested. Which is nice, Jungkook realizes, that you actually want to keep listening to him talk instead of disregarding him in favor of the menu. Jungkook can’t really think of many dates where both he and the person he was with weren’t asking questions just for the sake of asking questions. But you seem to have a different approach. “If he’s not a partier.”

“That’s actually a funny story,” Jungkook begins, already laughing. “Taehyung hates parties but that night he was determined to go to one because this cute boy he saw on Tinder was going to be there. And so he dragged me out to this party at eleven at night to try and find this boy, but then gets roped into a game of beer pong with said boy, so, mission accomplished. Except, because Taehyung’s a lightweight and a terrible shot, he misses entirely and bonks the shorter kid next to the cute boy on the head.”

“Let me guess,” you finish. “That was Jimin?”

Jungkook nods. “Only Taehyung would end up falling in love with the best friend of the boy he thirsted over on Tinder.”

“Can I ask who the cute boy is?” You raise your eyebrows. 

“Oh, that’s Hoseok. We’re actually all really good friends now,” Jungkook says, because that’s just how the cookie crumbles. “His boyfriend is a really close friend of mine.”

“Wait, are you talking about Jung Hoseok?” You ask, eyes wide. Jungkook nods. “My friend’s in the dance group he leads. He’s dating this guy named Yoongi, right? She says they’re super cute together, and that he drops into practice all the time to say hello, and Hoseok makes him dance with them.”

Jungkook nearly bursts into laughter in the middle of this crowded restaurant at the image of Yoongi trying to hip-hop choreography that Hoseok creates. He loves Yoongi, but he’s got the coordination of a baby giraffe and two left feet. Which is exactly why he sticks to music production, the less physical of two musical evils. “Yeah, he was with me in the coffee place when we first started talking.”

“That was him? No way,” you say, shocked. 

Jungkook has to say that he’s equally as surprised. You seemed familiar, but Jungkook assumed that it was because you had the same class or something. What he wasn’t expecting was this labyrinth of mutual acquaintanceships that draws a path between you and him. 

“I guess we’re closer than you think,” Jungkook says with a shrug. The waiter comes over to ask for their orders, and Jungkook, because he’s reckless and you’re grinning at him with a smile wider than the sun, orders the avocado toast. 

You nod, handing your menu to the waiter before he whizzes off. “Isn’t it funny how that works?”

After the second time you go out to a restaurant—this one a relatively nice but not upscale pizza place—Taehyung wants to meet you. 

It’s not so much wants. 

It’s more like demands. 

“Two dates, Jungkook!” Taehyung screeches at the same time the first kernel in their microwave popcorn bag pops, making Jungkook wince. “You’ve been on two entirely separate dates with the same person, and I haven’t met them yet!”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Jungkook says awkwardly, avoiding Taehyung’s gaze so as not to watch him go bug-eyed right in front of Jungkook’s nonexistent salad as he slowly waits for their microwave to implode and burn their entire apartment complex down. “it’s just two dates.”

“Which is two more than you normally go on,” Taehyung insists, holding up two fingers just in case Jungkook was unsure as to what number he’s been saying repeatedly as the popcorn pops. “Perspective, Jungkook! This is a big deal for you!”

“You act like I’ve never been on a date before when I, in fact, have,” Jungkook deadpans with a frown. He tries not to flinch when the popcorn surprises him with the last few kernels. 

“Yeah,” Taehyung says like a white girl in a Netflix original movie, opening up their shoddy microwave to a steaming (and slightly overcooked) bag of dollar store popcorn. “But when was the last time you went on two dates with the same person?”

Jungkook opens his mouth to respond when he realizes he can’t give an answer without incriminating himself. It’s definitely been a while.

Taehyung picks up on the nanosecond of silence and Jungkook’s fish gape immediately, cackling as he tears open the popcorn and a quarter of the pieces go flying across their tiny counter island, still sticky in some places where Taehyung forgot to wipe up the juice from the watermelon he was cutting (sans cutting board) last night at two in the morning. 

“Perspective! Matters!” Taehyung says, interjecting each word with a piece of popcorn in his mouth. Jungkook reaches over to take some for himself, just happy knowing that the microwave hasn’t caused his tragic demise and he can put off death-by-microwave for another day. 

“You’re an Economics and Fine Arts double major, perspective is all you care about,” Jungkook says, cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk preparing for winter. “I think you’re being dramatic.”

“I think that two dates is a record,” Taehyung tells him pointedly. 

“How noncommittal do you think I am?” Jungkook asks, shocked. He’s been in committed, long-term relationships. In high school. And nowadays in college, the definition of long-term has become so distant from what it used to be that three weeks is pretty much long-term at this point. 

“Very,” Taehyung says. He tilts the popcorn bag into his mouth and finishes it, and Jungkook is both horrified and impressed, because the bag was still a quarter-full when Taehyung decided it would be a good time to chug carbohydrates covered in butter. “I gotta meet them, Jungkook. I’m your best friend. I have to!”

Jungkook narrows his eyes. “You do not have to meet her. In fact, you shouldn’t even be involved in my existent or nonexistent dating life at all. You have a boyfriend.” 

“Excuse me, I am still your best friend despite already having met the man I’m going to marry and adopt three dogs and a giant iguana with, and therefore I’m allowed to want to meet her. We should do something fun,” Taehyung says, before his eyes light up in the same way they did before Taehyung once suggested they take an extremely pricey Uber out into the suburbs just so they could go to the biggest wholesale store in the area and buy as many sixty-brownie packs as possible. 

The same way they did before Taehyung thought it was a good idea to pay Jungkook money to get himself into a committed relationship, and the same way they did when Jungkook agreed. 

“Oh my God, we should go play laser tag! That’s so much fun!” Taehyung begins to jump up and down in the middle of their apartment like an eight-year-old boy at an amusement park for his birthday, and Jungkook has reason to be worried he’ll fall right through the floorboards and into the apartment below. 

Jungkook couldn’t think of a worse group outing for you to meet his friends. While Taehyung definitely sucks at laser tag (Jungkook always wins), a furiously competitive, glow-in-the-dark, shriek-inducing, friendship-ending activity may very well be the last thing Jungkook wants to do with you while you meet his friends. He wants you to like them. He wants them to like you. Laser tag doesn’t promise either of those things. Laser tag, in fact, actively promotes immediate dislike. 

“Absolutely not. There’s no way I’m introducing you to her in a laser tag setting,” Jungkook immediately rejects Taehyung’s suggestion. Taehyung frowns, probably trying to think of some other equally as infuriating activity for the four of you to do together. Jungkook racks his brain, trying to think of something else that appeases Taehyung’s desire for physical competition while also minimizing the potential for disaster (which is very high whenever Taehyung is involved). “How about… mini golf?”

Taehyung breaks out into a devilish grin, and Jungkook wonders if mini-golf was an even worse suggestion. 

“Mini-golf?” You ask as you arrive at the mini-golf place, a little outside location far away from the hubbub of the city but close enough to not require an overpriced Uber. 

“It was this or laser tag,” Jungkook says, whipping his head around to see if Taehyung and Jimin have arrived yet. He can’t seem to see Taehyung’s faded teal hair nor Jimin’s pink, which would otherwise be easy to spot because whenever they walk anywhere, Gen Z’ers stop them on the street to remind them that they look like Cosmo and Wanda from The Fairly OddParents. 

“Laser tag!” You exclaim, punching Jungkook in the shoulder for emphasis. “That would have been such a good idea! Mini-golf is so overdone, I would have loved to go to laser tag.”

Jungkook pouts. He can’t believe he already royally fucked up the first meeting between his fake girlfriend and his best friend (and his best friend’s equally-as-chaotic just not-as-loud boyfriend) because you and Taehyung wanted to play laser tag and Jungkook was the dumbass who thought that mini-golf would be a better idea. Maybe Jungkook should just try to get knocked in the head with a mini-golf ball going at one hundred miles an hour like it did in Avril Lavigne’s VMA-deserving music video Girlfriend, fall on the ground and roll into a Porta Potty, and then wake up with no recollection of any of the day’s events. 

You notice Jungkook’s pout immediately as you hand over eight dollars so he isn’t paying for the both of you, and pat him on the back. “But I still like mini-golf. It could be worse. We could be at a Kidz Bop concert right now.”

Jungkook supposes that there’s always a silver lining. 

The silver lining vanishes the moment he hears a preteen boy who’s on hole eight shout, “Oh my God, it’s Cosmo and Wanda!”

“That would be the other half of our party,” Jungkook says with a grimace, staring distantly into the void as Taehyung and Jimin clamber onto the course. Taehyung carelessly gives the poor teenager in the booth a twenty, does not take his change, and picks up a golf club that is nowhere near the right size for his nearly-six-feet-tall figure. Maybe if Jungkook makes eye contact with the supermassive black hole that Taehyung is convinced actually exists at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, he’ll just get sucked right in and lose all the matter in his body so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit for the next two hours. 

“I’m Taehyung,” Taehyung introduces himself aggressively, holding out an enormous hand for you to shake. You do so hesitantly but firmly, trying not to break eye contact with Taehyung, a task you will soon find to be quite difficult, as Taehyung can keep his eyes open for over five minutes straight. “And unfortunately, my charming personality and extreme good looks have already attracted a mate. This is my soon-to-be husband, Jimin.”

Jimin waves respectfully, pink hair bouncing. 

“They’re not engaged,” Jungkook says, feeling the need to elaborate because Jungkook’s known Taehyung since before freshman year of college, and sometimes even he can’t tell when he’s kidding. 

“Real shame, but I actually have my eye on the only natural-hair-colored college-aged super buff guy in the group,” you say, nudging Jungkook’s side with a wink. Jungkook thinks he might vomit at your description of him. 

“Kook’s a real looker, but he flakes on us all the time. I’m impressed you even managed to get him to come with us,” Taehyung jokes, but the comment nonetheless makes Jungkook’s mouth open in indignation. 

“I’m the only mutuality between all of us,” he re-emphasizes, “I’m the one who organized the whole thing!”

Taehyung leans in to whisper into your ear, but Taehyung’s whisper is normal people’s regular outside voice, so Jungkook can hear every word. “Truthfully, I wanted to go play laser tag.”

You nod enthusiastically. “So did I! Jungkook just mentioned it and I wish we had gone there instead. We’ll have to go sometime. Just a warning: I’ll crush you.”

“I accept your challenge,” Taehyung says with a firm nod. 

Jungkook coughs loud enough to interrupt the both of you and even attract the attention of the next family who’s come up to pay. He feels bad for them—they’re going to be stuck behind the four of you for the rest of this hellhole of a mini-golf game. 

“Are we here to play some mini-golf, or what?” Jungkook asks, tiny golf pencil and paper stuffed into his back pocket to record scores, because Jungkook came here to win, and winning is what he will do. 

Jungkook does not win. 

He actually loses by one point. A singular value. A sole divisor. 

He’s pissed, but also impressed. 

Taehyung comes in dead last, as he normally does even when he’s playing mini-golf with a club that’s actually the right size, but the gap between him and Jimin’s third place is significantly larger considering his club is meant for someone who’s about a foot shorter than he is. Even so, he seems to give no shits whatsoever about his abysmal performance, and is instead spending most of his time post-mini-golf game high-fiving the shit out of you. 

“You beat him! I can’t believe it! I don’t think Jungkook’s ever lost a game of anything in his entire life!” Taehyung exclaims, making Jungkook wince. It was down to the wire the entire game with you and Jungkook neck-and-neck, Jimin a fair few points behind the both of you, and Taehyung hardly in the same ballpark. And on the last hole, Jungkook overshot the curve and his ball jumped the hole while yours sailed in, leaving him to wallow in his second-place pity. 

“Just doing my job,” you say with a flip of the nonexistent hair next to your left shoulder. Your hair is nowhere near your hand whatsoever. “He was the one who suggested mini-golf before he knew what a pro I was.”

“It was one point,” Jungkook reminds you, fuming. “If my golf ball hadn’t skipped the hole we’d be tied,” he says, consoling himself more than anyone else. 

“But it did, and now you owe me dinner because you lost and I won,” you tease as you walk out of the mini-golf place, sipping on overpriced sodas from the generic mini-golf diner. 

“That was not part of the deal whatsoever,” Jungkook says with a frown. “I never agreed to that. We never said anything about dinner. What the fuck.”

You laugh, tilting your head back as you chuckle, Sprite fizzing in your hand. Taehyung insisted nobody get straws, and now you all have disposable open (and full) cups of soda in your hands as you make the treacherous journey back to your campus. “Fine. How about we go out to get some bubble tea after this?”

Jungkook likes the sound of that. He’s been craving some taro tea recently. 

“Deal,” he says with a nod, and the two of you shake hands to seal it. 

Jungkook finds that he’s actually really looking forward to getting bubble tea with you post-mini-golf game. He’s spent so much time with you and the rest of his friends (however many there are) that you haven’t gone out alone, just the two of you, in a while. Jungkook misses that. 

You get along so well together. 

Jimin grabs your attention with a question about Hoseok, since the two of you happen to be connected through his dance group, giving Taehyung just enough time to swoop in and wrap an arm around Jungkook’s shoulder, Dr. Pepper spilling onto the asphalt beneath them. 

“Damn, she really knows how to keep up with you,” Taehyung says, quieter than he’s ever spoken before. 

“Are you implying that I’m difficult to keep up with?” Jungkook immediately retorts. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “No, you dumbass. I’m saying that you’ve never been on a date with someone who meshes so well with your own personality. No wonder you guys have been on two dates.”

“I can’t believe you think I’m this one-date-wonder kind of guy.”

“You guys go really well with each other,” Taehyung says, and that sort of out-of-the-blue, genuinely complimentary statement makes Jungkook narrow his eyes in suspicion. “Seriously, I’m not just saying that. I think you guys make a cute couple.”

Jimin says something funny and you laugh again, giggles breaking out into the air as you slowly make your way towards campus. You’re not looking at Jungkook, but Jungkook is looking at you, and he thinks that maybe even if this is all just one big ploy, he might still get a really, really wonderful friend out of this. 

Taehyung pinches Jungkook’s cheek before turning his chin to face you. “I think that she’s someone you might want to hold onto.”

For once in his life, Jungkook has to agree. 

Jungkook is running late. 

This is no rare occurrence by any means, as Jungkook frequently shows up five minutes late to class with nothing but his half-charged laptop and an eraser-less mechanical pencil, which leaves fantastic impressions on both his classmates and his professors. 

But Jungkook hit snooze on his phone four times, and now he’s got ten minutes to get his shit together and get to his Metropolitan Nature class before he gets chewed out by his professor for being late three times already this month. 

He makes a few quick sacrifices. First, he’s not getting changed out of his pajamas, so this is what his Metropolitan Nature professor is getting, whether she likes it or not. Second, he doesn’t have time to use the bathroom so he’s just going to wipe his face with one of Taehyung’s makeup-removing wipes and pee after class. Third, there is no way in hell he’s making himself any sort of breakfast, not even grabbing a granola bar or anything, so he’ll just suffer until later, when he isn’t a debilitating mess of a human being and has time to stuff an apple into his mouth. 

And then, as he’s scrambling to get his backpack and make it to class on time (five minutes to go!), there’s a knock on his door. 

Jungkook almost doesn’t answer. Instead, he grabs the nearest object to him—which happens to be their television remote—and holds it out in front of him like a weapon, waiting for the burglar on the other side to bust the door down, realize that Jungkook and Taehyung’s shared apartment has absolutely nothing valuable inside of it, and turn around to rob someone else. 

There’s another knock on his door. Jungkook decides that it’s probably not a burglar, but he keeps the remote in his hand just in case and opens the door.

On the other side is, much to his surprise, you, with a steaming cup of what he assumes is coffee and a little paper bag in your hand. 

“Oh, geez, what’s up?” Jungkook says, quickly trying to fix the mop on his head known as hair, to little avail. 

“Why are you holding the TV remote?” You ask instead of greeting him back like a normal person. 

“Oh, uh, just making sure you aren’t a robber or murderer or anything,” Jungkook says. There’s too long of an awkward silence that falls between the two of you, and in that time frame, Jungkook tosses the TV remote behind him and listens as it lands with a thud on the rug by the couch. 

“O…kay…,” you say nervously. “I got you breakfast.”

Jungkook’s mouth drops open and he’s too sleep-deprived to shut it again. “Are you serious?” 

“Yeah, I told you that I would,” you remind him. “It’s a croissant and hot chocolate, because I wasn’t sure what your coffee order was. Here.” You don’t give him the chance to respond, instead shoving the cup and paper bag into his hands very ungracefully. 

“Oh, wow, I—I don’t know what to say,” Jungkook says, very obviously floored at your random generosity. He knows that this was what you discussed but he didn’t realize that it would actually be put into practice. 

“A simple ‘thank you’ would probably suffice!” Taehyung calls from his bedroom, clearly having overheard your entire conversation thus far. 

“Fuck off!” Jungkook shouts back, and he hears Taehyung cackle. 

You raise your eyebrows, leaning forward slightly. 

“Oh, yeah, thank you,” Jungkook says, still flabbergasted. “Seriously, I—I really can’t thank you enough. This was super nice of you.” God, who still uses the word super? Jungkook has to go before he embarrasses himself further. 

“No problem,” you tell him with a shrug. “Just doing the girlfriend thing.” It’s a good thing Taehyung’s in the other room, because he can’t see you wink. 

“I really appreciate it, Y/N. This was so thoughtful of you.” Jungkook doesn’t know how else to express his immense gratitude for this simple act, mostly because no one’s ever spontaneously brought him food at such an opportune time before. He missed you, is what it is. He didn’t realize it until you showed up at his door, and now he’s speechless and looks like an absolute fool, all because he missed you. 

Weird. 

“It was no big deal, really,” you tell him. “You headed to class? Let’s walk together.”

Jungkook’s already late but he decides that he would much rather walk than sprint, because that means he gets to savor the taste of blazing hot chocolate and a warm croissant, all while spending more time with you. 

When Jungkook was thirteen, a brand new go-kart arena opened up in their town. It had flashing neon lights and a giant sign and an arcade with actual prizes to be won in exchange for tickets. There was no sight more glorious to Jungkook’s freshly-teenaged self. 

His best friend at the time invited him out the day after it opened, and Jungkook was so excited that he said yes before thinking about anything else. He had never been go-karting. He couldn’t remember the last time he went to an arcade. He wanted to win ten thousand tickets to get a remote-control car. 

But he had no money because he realized that he was only getting paid for mowing his neighbor’s lawns at the end of the week, which meant that he wouldn’t be able to pay for anything. 

In desperation, Jungkook begged his older brother for some cash, promising that he would pay him back as soon as possible. Jeonghyun agreed (albeit begrudgingly) and Jungkook went on his merry way, having a grand old time at the brand new go-kart place with an arcade and winning one thousand tickets, which was enough to get him five of his favorite candy bars. 

Jungkook fully intended on giving some of them to his older brother as a thank you, but he ended up eating all of them on the way home, and then Jeonghyun doubled the amount that Jungkook owed him, and it took Jungkook a month to repay him. 

Jungkook discovered then that owing people is the worst feeling in the entire world, a sentiment he’s maintained ever since. It makes him an extremely reliable person whenever he borrows anything, which is already rare to begin with. 

Jungkook owes you more than just some hot chocolate and a croissant. You’ve saved his ass on numerous occasions, getting along well with Taehyung and Jimin and suggesting that you’re interested in him, striking up a deal that will save him from the wrath of Taehyung, giving him breakfast (free of charge!) on a day where he definitely wasn’t planning on eating anything. He feels like hot chocolate and a croissant just doesn’t cut it. 

In the end, Jungkook knocks on your door at seven in the evening with a paper bag filled with various Chinese takeout dishes. He never knows what to get whenever he gets Chinese food, so he gets a little bit of everything and, inevitably, eats all of it. He’s hoping that this is sufficient enough repayment, because you certainly deserve it. 

You open the door drowsily, mumbling something that sounds like “Who is it?” under your breath, when you see Jungkook and your eyes light up. 

“I brought Chinese food,” Jungkook supplies helpfully, holding up the bag as if the scent that’s wafting through the air isn’t proof enough. 

Your mouth drops open, just like his did. “Oh my God, you’re my hero. I was just about to make myself some shitty instant ramen for dinner, but this is so much better.”

“Just returning the favor, I guess,” Jungkook says with a shrug. “It was really nice of you to drop by this morning.”

“It was really nice of you to bring Chinese food tonight,” you respond as Jungkook hands over the paper bag. You let it sit on your palms, too heavy to be held by the top of it. “You just saved me from my fourth instant ramen dinner of the week.”

Jungkook laughs. He and Taehyung were like that during their freshman year, boiling water in their kettle at four in the morning to burn the insides of their mouths out with the fire noodles. Fond memories. You grin at him, Chinese takeout resting securely in your palms, and gaze at each other for a few more seconds before Jungkook coughs to end the silence. 

“Aren’t you coming inside?” You ask, stepping away from the door to usher him in. 

“Oh, no, the takeout was just a thank you for this morning,” Jungkook says, shaking his head and his hand as he takes a step away from the door. His stomach grumbles. 

Exposed. 

“Don’t think I can’t hear the whale coming from your belly,” you say, eyes narrowing as you point at his torso. “Come on, you paid for this thing, you might as well get your fair share. There’s no way I’ll be able to eat all of this myself.”

“No, it’s alright, seriously—” His stomach growls at him, like it’s personally offended that Jungkook’s rejecting the Chinese food. 

You frown at him, raising a single, unimpressed eyebrow. “Come on, you dumbass. It’s getting cold.”

Jungkook relents, though it probably wouldn’t have taken much more to wear him down anyway, and walks inside your apartment. He slips off his sneakers and joins you as you set the food down on the coffee table in front of your couch, fabric worn and pillows sunken in. It looks delightfully comfortable. 

“Sorry it’s kind of a mess in here,” you say as you grab plates from your kitchenette. “You caught me off guard—I just got out of the shower, too.”

Your apartment is cleaner than his and Taehyung’s looks on days where they actually try to tidy up. Jungkook wishes he had those capabilities, but when he’s presented with the options of cleaning up or taking a nap, he will invariably choose the latter. And the clothes you’re wearing, even if you insist that they’re your nasty lounge clothes from high school, Jungkook couldn’t care less about. You look nice. 

You always look nice. 

Once you’re all settled, you tear open the stapled paper bag to reveal the glory hidden inside. Jungkook gets one whiff of the scent and nearly passes out, huffing it in like an Expo marker. He was a little worried that he hadn’t gotten enough, but as you begin to take each box of rice and biodegradable container of noodles and vegetables and soup and everything in between, he realizes he had nothing to stress over.

“Oh my God, we’re gonna have so many leftovers,” you say excitedly, eyeing all of the dishes as you break apart your wooden chopsticks. Every smell imaginable fills your apartment, and it makes Jungkook’s mouth water and his stomach rumble. “This cost way more than the hot chocolate and croissant, definitely. Let me Venmo you back half.”

Jungkook shakes his head defiantly, taking the rice out of your reach as punishment. “Absolutely not. I won’t let you pay me back a single cent.”

“What? That’s not in the contract,” you say with a frown, making to pull it up on your phone just as proof. 

“Who cares about the contract?” Jungkook says, snatching your phone right from your slippery fingers and placing it on the end table next to him. “I’m just doing the boyfriend thing.” 

You attack the mountain of food in front of you like an all-you-can-eat buffet, taking a handful of noodles here and a couple pieces of broccoli there, a few dumplings and a bit of soy sauce, a spoonful of rice, some of the wonton soup. Your plates are filled to the brim with helpings from every single container, too excited to save any one dish for another day. 

“God, this is just what I needed,” you say with a pleased sigh, tossing your head back. 

“Long day?” Jungkook asks before he puts a chopstick-ful of rice in his mouth. 

“The longest. I don’t know if I told you this, but my Communications 316 professor is absolutely incompetent. He has no idea what he’s talking about, confuses himself half the time, and doesn’t listen to the TA. It’s ridiculous. I might as well teach the damn class,” you say, clearly exasperated. 

“Sounds awful,” Jungkook comments with a wince. If he ever had a professor like that he would just drop the class and change majors, but you don’t seem to be taking as dramatic an approach. Maybe Jungkook’s just a chronic over-reactor.

“It is. Never take Comm 316, you’ll actually want to jump into a black hole. What are you majoring in, again?”

“Physics,” Jungkook tells you over a mouthful of food. 

“Wow, that’s amazing,” you say, and for once in his lifetime, Jungkook knows that there’s someone out there genuinely impressed by his choice of study. Normally he gets much more sarcastic comments, or the person he’s chatting with will just say “Flex” before changing the topic. “Do you wanna do engineering, astrophysics, or theoretical stuff?”

“Not sure yet,” he tells you, “but I’m thinking more astrophysics. I think space is really cool.”

“Astrophysics, holy shit! That’s like, the coolest thing you could probably ever major in. Meanwhile, I’m probably gonna end up being the personal assistant to some Instagram-famous fifteen-year-old.”

Jungkook refuses to let you put down your major. He’s a shitty conversationalist and an even worse public speaker. Jungkook thinks anybody who pursues an avenue like Communication could probably debate his ass into next month. “Hey, those fifteen-year-olds make bank, so I see no issue with that.” 

You laugh, nodding. Jungkook leans over the table to help himself to another couple of dumplings, looking back at you as you smile at him, a single grain of rice stuck on the corner of your lips. In the warm evening light of your apartment, the soothing noises of ambulances and honking cars below you, Jungkook decides to remember this moment. Save it forever. 

“Let’s take a photo,” Jungkook suggests, even though he’s already taking his phone out of his back pocket. “This is too good not to remember.”

“Right now?” You ask, caught off-guard. “I just stuffed my face with Chinese food, I’m wearing a t-shirt I got when I was in tenth grade, and we’re in my grody apartment. Are you sure?”

Jungkook’s already setting up the phone stand, stacking empty biodegradable Chinese takeout boxes to create the optimal angle. “I gotta get three Instagram posts in, remember?” He says. Because that’s obviously the only reason he wants to take a photo of the two of you, right here, right now. 

Obviously. 

You’re still hesitant, but Jungkook sets up the self-timer on his phone and leans back into the couch, pulling you in next to him. “Just relax,” he tells you. “You look wonderful.”

The first few pictures are classics—back straight, head up, chin down, hair fixed. Jungkook lets his phone click like a photobooth, making sure the camera gets every one of his angles. Then, the two of you start to get a bit more playful, coming up with creative (or uncreative) poses—peace signs, finger guns, winking faces. You drape your body over his legs and get a few of you looking like perpendicular line segments, a couple of you cuddling, one of you squishing his cheeks. 

“Okay, last one,” Jungkook says, setting his phone up. He expects it to just be a relatively normal one, your bodies close to each other but not aggressively so, but a second before the camera shutter clicks you plant your lips on his cheek, making him smile as he gasps. His phone snaps the last photo, and it takes everything in Jungkook’s power not to immediately look at the final shot.

“What was that for?” Jungkook asks, fingers tracing over where your lips pressed against his cheek. 

“Just ‘cause,” you say nonchalantly, beginning to gather up your leftovers. “I didn’t know you had a scar on your cheek.”

“I got it when I was little,” Jungkook says, finger lingering on top of it. 

“It’s cute,” you tell him, standing up to pack away the leftovers in your fridge and toss out anything you completely devoured. “You’re cute sometimes, you know that, Jungkook?”

Jungkook’s speechless. He stands in the middle of your apartment like a fish out of water, eyes wide as they watch you flitter around your kitchenette. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know if there is anything to say. 

“This was a lot of fun,” you tell him when you bid your goodbyes, leaning against the doorframe of your apartment. “Thanks for bringing me Chinese.”

“Thanks for inviting me in to eat it with you,” Jungkook says back. “We should do this again sometime.”

“You mean like a date?” You ask, eyebrows raised. “What do you think we are, boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Jungkook laughs. “My mistake. We can have a friend dinner, if you want.”

You grin. “Hmm, I think I like boyfriend and girlfriend better, don’t you think?” You ask. 

Jungkook pretends to ponder the question, like he doesn’t already know the answer. “Me too.”

The entire way home, Jungkook’s cheek tingles. 

Jungkook (10:18AM): hey what r u doing rn??

You (10:18AM): i’m about to go to this volunteering thing at the animal shelter !!!

Jungkook (10:18AM): wow really?? that sounds like fun

You (10:18AM): yeah i’m really excited !!  You (10:19AM): are you an animal person jungkook

Jungkook stares at his phone distantly. He was secretly hoping you’d be free, because it’s a Saturday and he’s got nothing planned the entire day. He could do work, sure, but that’s a Sunday problem. And he just wanted to do something with you. Sue him. 

Jungkook (10:19AM): yeah i love animals Jungkook (10:19AM): except iguanas fuck those guys

You: (10:20AM): do i wanna know????

Jungkook (10:20AM): in high school my brother got an iguana and it ate my school id so i couldn’t buy lunch for the whole year

You (10:20AM): i’ll ask later You (10:20AM): but my volunteering thing isn’t until 10:30 do you wanna come?

It’s not that Jungkook’s heart skips a beat, but it skips half of one.

Jungkook (10:21AM): are you sure?? i don’t want to be a bother

You (10:21AM): no come !!! it’ll be so much fun !!! we’re just holding an outdoor adoption fair for the day so we get to spend time with animals and encourage people to adopt them it’ll be lots of fun!! You (10:22AM): please come i’ll be so lonely without you :(

You don’t need to say another word. In fact, you pretty much had Jungkook sold the moment you told him what you were doing. He’s already halfway out the door of his apartment by the time he texts you back. 

Jungkook (10:23AM): i’m on my way!!

He gets to your apartment in record time, too excited to spend time with you to be ashamed of the desperation that’s radiating off of him. Jungkook’s not socially starved, nor does he not have other friends he could pass the time with. But he’s been friends with Taehyung, Jimin, and Yoongi ever since he set foot on campus for the first time, which means that he’s spent more time with them the past few years than he has in the past couple of months with you, because that is how math works. And Jungkook hates math, but he knows that he would much rather spend the day with you than anybody else. 

He knocks on your door, only slightly out of breath, to find that you haven’t even put on your shoes yet. 

“You got here quick,” you comment. “Did you run?”

“I didn’t work out this morning,” Jungkook lies like a liar. It’s by no means a good excuse, he just didn’t want you to think he ran all the way just to be with you. He wants to retain some shred of dignity, especially after losing most of it when he agreed to a deal where he would date someone for three months in exchange for money. 

“Sure thing, Batman,” you say. “I’m almost ready, just give me a second.”

Jungkook waits patiently in your doorway, catching his breath and trying to wipe away the sweat that’s slowly beginning to collect on his forehead in a futile attempt to make him seem as cool and natural and not-at-all-excited as possible. It doesn’t seem to be working very well. 

Whatever. Jungkook supposes that there are much worse things than having you think he just wants to spend time with you this afternoon. After all, he really does. 

On the way there, you tell Jungkook all about the cat that your family had when you were growing up. His name was Pickle and he frequently brought your family stolen flowers from neighbors’ gardens, which was both extremely endearing and also rage-inducing. He also exclusively ate cat food that was the combination of meat and vegetables, which made you believe for a solid three years that all mammals were omnivores. They were, in fact, not. 

“I haven’t had a cat since he died when I was thirteen, holy shit I want one so bad,” you say as you arrive at the park right by the shelter, where the adoption fair is being held. “Thanks for coming, by the way. You didn’t have to. You probably have lots of Physics work to do.”

“I wanted to,” Jungkook says instantly, refusing to let you believe otherwise. “I did. That’s why I texted you.”

“To come to the adoption fair?” You ask, waving hello to another one of the volunteers. You must be here often. 

“No,” Jungkook says, faltering slightly. “To, uh, well—to hang out with you, actually.” God, he sounds like he’s twelve. Hang out? To hang out with you? The same way that preteens do because they’re too old for the word playdate? For God’s sake. You’re college students, friends (hopefully, because if not then Jungkook has completely misread this situation), and fake lovers. And Jungkook chooses the phrase hang out to describe time spent with you. 

“Oh,” you say, more to yourself than to him. Your brows furrow slightly, like you’re pondering something too insignificant to say aloud. Jungkook knows that feeling. “Well, I’m glad you texted me, then.”

Jungkook’s glad, too. 

The animal shelter staff, despite his unannounced arrival, are absolutely thrilled that Jungkook’s volunteered to help alongside you. They tell him that he’s got an extremely friendly and marketable face, and will be good for talking to prospective adopters because he’s, by default, extremely charming. 

“I can vouch for that,” you mutter into his ear before another worker asks you to help out with some of the dogs. Jungkook stands there, your words ringing in his ears, as the instructions the shelter coordinator tells him fly right over his ear. Charming, huh?

Realistically, there are plenty of ways that Jungkook could be spending his free Saturday that would be appealing to most, if not all, college students. He could be lazing around in bed, sleeping in until two in the afternoon, and never getting out from under the covers. He could be marathoning his favorite TV show or a new K-drama that Taehyung’s obsessed with, finishing the whole series in a single day. He could go out for brunch like any good college student would, go to an overpriced café and take aesthetically pleasing photos to post online, spend the whole day online shopping. 

But instead, he’s standing in the sun surrounded by prospective owners and a whole bunch of pets, watching as you play with a few of the puppies in the pen as people ask you questions, and Jungkook decides that there’s really nothing else that he would rather be doing than this. 

Here’s the thing: animals are cute, but you with animals is cuter. 

Jungkook comes to this conclusion relatively early in the day, after staring at you unabashedly as you play with the puppies, pick up cats for people to hold, and encourage prospective owners to consider older animals in the shelter because they give just as much love and joy as the babies. He is, admittedly, not doing the thing he came here to do (volunteer), but hardly anyone is paying attention to him and he is, in turn, paying attention to you. And you’re doing your work, so does it really matter if he’s not doing his?

In the end, Jungkook actually does begin to contribute something of substance to the event, but only because the coordinator assigned him to the animal registration table for people adopting pets, which means he doesn’t get a free pass to watch you play with puppies for the rest of the day. 

Jungkook volunteers, he swears, but he doesn’t do it that often, which makes participating in this even feel that much better. He can’t help but smile and congratulate the brand new owners on their new best friend(s), happily filling in the official papers and watching as each animal goes to their forever home. It’s humbling, and it makes him happy, and Jungkook doesn’t think he could get that sort of feeling if he just stayed at home watching Netflix. 

The day ends up being a success. At least, that’s what the coordinator tells him, because over half of the pets available got adopted in that single afternoon, which seems to be quite the accomplishment. The good news is that even though Jungkook was objectively less than helpful, the coordinator isn’t shouting at him because everything turned out well anyway. So that’s always a plus. 

“We’re gonna start packing up, folks,” the coordinator says into her megaphone as the day winds down. “Animals first, equipment second!”

“Jungkook, come over here! Quick!” 

For a second, Jungkook thinks you’re in pain, but it’s enough of a second for him to turn to the sound of your voice and dash over, responsibilities (as per usual) forgotten. 

And then it turns out that you’re nowhere near injured, or hurt, or anything even resembling endangerment of your wellbeing. 

Instead, what he sees is this:

You, waiting in the middle of the park, grass tickling your ankles. You, grinning as you meet his eyes from where he stands a few feet away from you. You, with your t-shirt from the rescue center and plain jeans on. 

You, with a kitten in your arms, mewling softly as you stroke its back. 

“Are we allowed to adopt now that the fair is over?” Jungkook jokes as he comes over to you. It’s when he’s right by your side that he notices something different about the cat, at the exact same time you point it out—

“She’s only got three-legs!” You say, overwhelmed with affection and completely endeared. “Look at her! She’s only got three legs,” you say, motioning for Jungkook to come closer. 

“Do you know what happened?” Jungkook asks, leaning down to hold his fingers out for the kitten to sniff. She does so dutifully, pressing her little pink nose up against Jungkook’s fingertips before deeming him a satisfactory human being. Instinctively, Jungkook begins to rub at her cheek.

“No, only that they found her with something on her leg and it had to be amputated when they brought her to the shelter,” you say, bottom lip coming out in a pout as you look down at her. 

Jungkook grins. “What’s her name?”

“Miracle,” you tell him. 

Fitting name. 

“Isn’t she adorable?” You ask, holding Miracle close to you as she clings to your chest. It’s clear that the both of you have already latched on to each other. 

Jungkook nods, because how could he ever disagree? You’re standing in the middle of the local park as the afternoon draws to a close and the evening light sets in. It’s a little chillier now that the sun is going down, but it casts a hazy glow over your surroundings. And you’re just waiting there, a kitten in your hands and a smile on your face, and Jungkook can’t resist. 

He can’t resist the way you look, how you could possibly look like this. He can’t resist as he pulls out his phone, not-so-subtly pulling up the camera so he can snap a few quick shots. Because pictures like this deserve to be remembered forever. 

You don’t notice until the fifth picture in, when Miracle begins to meow, drawing your attention away from her and up to Jungkook. 

“Oh my God, hey!” You shout softly, trying not to frighten Miracle or attract the attention of any of the other volunteers who are very obviously doing more work than you two at the current moment. “How could you snipe me like that? I’ve got cat fur and dog slobber all over me, I probably look like trash.”

“You don’t,” Jungkook insists, but he pulls his phone out of your reach anyway. Just in case. “You look fine.”

“Fine does not equate to picture-worthy,” you hiss, but you’re laughing. 

“I’m a photographer, Y/N,” Jungkook says, patting himself on the back. “If I need a work a little magic, then I will.”

You scoff. “Sorry that my sweaty ass isn’t up to par with your Instagram standards,” you joke, making Jungkook chuckle. You put Miracle back into the pen she was waiting in throughout the fair, beginning to wrap up. “But at least you finally have two pictures of the same girl on your Instagram page.”

Jungkook chuckles again, but this one isn’t as real.

He had forgotten about Instagram entirely. 

“Jungkook, your fucking phone alarm keeps going off!” 

Jungkook’s in the bathroom, halfway through the latest John Mulaney Netflix comedy special, doing his goddamn business. 

“It’s for my laundry!” He shouts back. He needs to go and pick it up at the laundromat around the corner before someone steals one sock from every pair and leaves him, hypothetically, sock-less. “Can you just turn it off?”

“Fine!”

Jungkook thinks that’s the end of the conversation, so he unpauses the comedy special and laughs as John Mulaney tells anecdotes about his youth. And then, two seconds later, there’s banging on the bathroom door. 

“Jeon Jungkook!” Taehyung shrieks, accompanying every syllable with an equally as impactful thump on the door. “Open this door!”

“I’m on the goddamn toilet!” Jungkook shouts back. What does a locked bathroom door mean to Taehyung? Doesn’t he know what the hell Jungkook’s doing in here? “Give me a second!”

“We have to talk, right now!” Taehyung yells. Their neighbors are probably calling down noise complaints at this very moment. 

“What the fuck,” Jungkook mutters, closing out of the Netflix app on his phone and hurrying himself up. He finishes up his goddamn business, laments the cutting short of the comedy special, washes his hands, and opens the door. 

The moment it cracks open even a sliver, Taehyung is crashing into the bathroom, holding up Jungkook’s phone like it just murdered his entire nuclear and extended family. Jungkook nearly stumbles back into the shower at the force of everything, before Taehyung dangles his own goddamn phone right in front of his face. 

“What the fuck is this?”

“Uh…” Jungkook says, a little frightened and a lot confused, “the time?”

“Not that, you dumbass!” Taehyung says. “Your lockscreen!”

“What about it?” Jungkook asks, desperately trying to scramble for his phone back. And while Taehyung may have the upper hand and the element of surprise, Jungkook is swole and swift, and he manages to rip it out of Taehyung’s grasp before long. 

“It’s of Y/N! Are you serious!” In hindsight, maybe Jungkook shouldn’t have taken his phone out of Taehyung’s hands, because now both of them are smacking Jungkook’s shoulders repeatedly like the worst cuckoo clock ever. 

Jungkook pushes Taehyung off of him and gains his bearings. “So? We’re dating.”

Fake dating. Minor detail. 

“Yeah,” Taehyung says like a popular white girl in a teenage movie. “But you’ve never set a photo of someone as your lockscreen before! Or ever!”

“She’s cute, what do you mean?” Jungkook says defensively. Taehyung is reading way too into this. 

Taehyung frowns. “I’ve known you since before we started college, and in that time not once have I ever seen your phone background be of a picture of a girl, or anybody, you were romantically interested in. Ever. I’m pretty sure you’d set your lockscreen as Hyuna before you’d set it to a picture of a girl you like. Let alone one with a three-legged kitten!”

“First of all, I love Hyuna, so fuck you,” Jungkook says pointedly. He’d die for her, full stop. If Hyuna told Jungkook to abandon his twenty-first century life and live as a hermit for the rest of his life, he’d do it without question. “Second of all, is it really that big of a deal? We’re just dating. It seemed like a natural segue.”

“Wow,” Taehyung says, taking another step back from Jungkook. He looks him up and down like a doctor inspecting the body for wounds, hands on his hips. Then he says, “I can’t believe you’re actually starting to fall for somebody.”

Jungkook opens his mouth to tell Taehyung he’s being overdramatic and ridiculous (as he usually is), but something stops him. There’s no way he could be falling for you. Absolutely not. You’re just friends, and after these three months are over you’re just going to go back to being friends. Friends who are, collectively, four hundred dollars wealthier. It seems like a good deal. It’s also fake in every sense of the word. 

There’s no way that the feeling are real. 

How could they be?

Min Yoongi does not want to make a big deal out of his and Hoseok’s first anniversary. Jung Hoseok wants to hire a plane to write JHS ♡ MYG in the sky. 

Naturally, they have a house party. 

It’s half an excuse to celebrate the first of what Jungkook is probably correct to assume is many, many more anniversaries, and half an excuse to throw a party that involves alcohol but does not involve frat boys. Which are two criteria that Jungkook heavily considers when figuring out plans for the night. 

Because it goes without saying, Jungkook invites you as his plus one. If he didn’t, Taehyung would probably accuse Jungkook of trying to fake date for money (which he obviously isn’t already doing), and then steal his manga collection and sell it on the streets, in that order. These are things that Jungkook definitely does not want. Also, you know Hoseok, which means that by the transitive property in Jungkook’s eighth grade geometry class, you know Yoongi. And that basically rounds out Jungkook’s friend group. 

By the time you and Jungkook arrive at Hoseok’s apartment just a couple of blocks off of campus, he can already hear the bass thumping through the floorboards outside. Hoseok and Yoongi have good music taste, for sure, but there is no way either of them would willingly set the volume that high. Which means that—

“Jungkook!” Taehyung shouts, already buzzed, as the two of you step inside Hoseok’s apartment. He wraps an arm around Jungkook’s shoulder, nursing a nearly-empty glass of red wine. Jungkook is right to assume this is definitely not his first glass. Taehyung waves hello to you as well, doing his rounds as per usual, before fluttering off to cling onto someone else. 

Hoseok’s house party looks less like a party and more like a house. The lights are dim (courtesy of Yoongi), hors d'oeuvres are set out on the counter island (courtesy of Seokjin), and only their closest friends (plus guests) are here (courtesy of Hoseok). The only thing that might elicit any sort of party vibe is the booming bass that rings throughout the room as music plays from their television (courtesy of, you guessed it, Taehyung). 

“Hey, Jungkook!” Hoseok shouts from where he’s lingering around the kitchen island, popping an olive into his mouth. He waves the both of you over to where he and Yoongi are standing, drinking their tasteful wine and eating their tasteful tapas. “You’re the girlfriend, right?” Hoseok asks, pointing to you with a smile. 

“That’s me,” you say, nodding. “Hoseok and Yoongi, right? I recognize you from—” 

“From the pictures,” Jungkook interjects. You look to Jungkook with a puzzled expression, and he raises his eyebrows and widens his eyes unhelpfully. “I showed some to you, remember?” He says, trying to be natural. 

“Oh, yeah,” you say, catching on. Changing the topic, you turn to Hoseok and say, “You direct a dance group, right Hoseok?” 

“Yeah! You’ve heard of it?” Hoseok says, eyes lighting up. He’s always happy to talk about the things he loves (dance, chemistry, and Yoongi). 

“My friend is in it,” you tell him. “Do you know Chungha?”

“Oh my God, yes!” Hoseok exclaims excitedly. “I think that when I graduate, I’m gonna make her the leader. She’s so talented.”

“Learned from the best,” Yoongi adds in softly, blushing. Hoseok responds by pressing a kiss to Yoongi’s cheek, grabbing another olive to go as he heads off to greet other guests. 

With Hoseok out of the picture, Yoongi’s disposition morphs almost instantly. In the blink of an eye, he goes from humbled, in-love boyfriend, to jaded, suspicious college student. 

Jungkook opens his mouth to explain to Yoongi before his friend reads him like a board book, but Yoongi beats him to it. 

“Let me guess,” Yoongi says, eyes narrowed as he stares the both of you down. Unlike Jungkook, who’s already caving into himself under the weight of Yoongi’s gaze, you’re holding onto his arm firmly, looking at Yoongi with a stern glare. “You asked her to pose as your girlfriend so you can get the cash?”

“Well,” Jungkook says, because technically Yoongi’s wrong. He didn’t ask. You did. And you’re splitting the cash, so that solves that issue. “Not really,” he says, like a kid trying to get out of punishment for something he very clearly did. 

Yoongi frowns. He turns to you. “Please tell me that you’re getting compensated for hanging out with my dumbass friend.”

“Hey!” Jungkook cries indignantly. 

“Yes,” you assure Yoongi. “I am. But thanks for the concern.” Just then, Hoseok calls you over to introduce you to a couple of his friends from his dance group, and you wave goodbye to Jungkook and Yoongi before scurrying off. 

Yoongi looks at Jungkook, and Jungkook feels fucking transparent under his sharp gaze. He grimaces. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

“Yes,” Jungkook insists, taking some offense to what Yoongi’s insinuating. He’s got everything under control, thank you very much. The guidelines to your arrangement were laid out very clearly in a Google Doc, electronically signed by the both of you. You’re getting along well. Jungkook hopes that you’ll be still friends after all of this is over, because he likes spending time with you. Go figure. “I’m fine, Yoongi. You don’t need to worry.”

Yoongi looks skeptical, but he drops the subject anyway. “If you say so,” he says. “I just don’t want you to expect something you aren’t getting.”

“What do you mean?”

Jimin finds Jungkook, in that instant, and drags him to participate in karaoke with you, him, and Taehyung. As he’s getting pulled away from the conversation. Jungkook looks at Yoongi desperately for a response. Yoongi doesn’t answer. 

Two rounds of early 2000’s karaoke and several voice cracks later, you end up next to Jungkook’s side as the party rages around you. Well, not necessarily rages. More like continues. 

“What did Yoongi say to you?” You ask, leaning in to whisper into Jungkook’s ear. 

“Oh, he was just making sure that I knew what I was doing,” Jungkook says. It’s not not the truth. 

“And do you?” You ask, eyebrows raised as you look up at him. 

Jungkook falters. 

He thinks he does. 

“Taehyung, did you drink this whole bottle—god damnit,” Seokjin’s voice echoes throughout the apartment as Taehyung happily bounces out of the kitchen, even more tipsy than he was when he slung his arm around Jungkook as he and you walked into Hoseok’s apartment. He’s not flat out intoxicated yet, but he’s certainly getting there. Hopefully, Jimin has the sense to keep more alcohol out of his hands. 

“Jungkook,” Taehyung coos happily as he peppers platonic kisses all over Jungkook’s cheek. This is natural. “Don’t forget about the deal, alright? I still have the four hundred dollars if you manage to date for that long.” He singsongs his words. In Taehyung’s stupor, he seems to have forgotten that you are still standing right next to Jungkook, watching as his best friend plops wet smooches on the side of Jungkook’s face 1) like it’s nobody’s business and 2) like he doesn’t already have a boyfriend he does this regularly with anyway. 

Jungkook turns to you, eyes wide, but you pat his shoulder and calm him down. 

It’s fine, you mouth to him. I already know. 

Obviously, Jungkook’s mind supplies unhelpfully. That’s why you’re here. Because you already know about the deal. And the money. Obviously. 

“You know what,” Taehyung says, finger pointed. “I’ve never seen you kiss Y/N,” he continues, and Jungkook already doesn’t like the direction Taehyung’s headed in. “You guys should do it.”

“Should we, though?” Jungkook say, looking hesitant.

“I know you, Jungkook,” Taehyung says accusingly, “I know that you would start fake dating something just so you could get the cash. Prove that you aren’t.”

Jungkook frowns. “You know you actually have no power or right to make us kiss, so—”

Before Jungkook can continue, you flip him around to face you and pull him in close, hands on his neck as you plant your lips on his. Jungkook nearly stumbles back from the shock of it all, but you keep your grip tight and slowly, his hands find his way to to your waist. Distantly, he can register Taehyung (and probably everyone else in the room) shouting, but all he feels is your lips on his and his heart on fire. It’s by no means a super majestic, romantic, movie-worthy kiss, but Jungkook’s breath catches in his throat and he instantly relaxes at your touch, and that’s never happened to him before. 

When you part, it feels like Jungkook’s heart is about to beat right out of his chest. 

Taehyung seems perfectly satisfied, and has already moved on to pressing up against Jimin in an effort to upstage the both of you. He will definitely succeed in his endeavors, mostly because Taehyung and Jimin are a thing, and Jungkook and you, well. 

You turn to Jungkook, cheeks warm from both the rush and the embarrassment, and you grin. Jungkook takes one look at you, and his heart starts to race. He maybe wants to do that again. Actually, he knows that he wants to do that again. 

Fuck.

You (3:23PM): hey are you busy rn?

Jungkook (3:23PM): no Jungkook (3:23PM): what’s up?

You (3:23PM): do you wanna go out and get acai bowls? You (3:23PM): i feel like we gotta talk about some stuff

Jungkook (3:24PM): yeah Jungkook (3:24PM): right now?

You (3:24PM): sure You (3:24PM): meet in 15?

Jungkook (3:25PM): okay!

Jungkook is nervous. 

Granted, Jungkook gets nervous when he’s spontaneously offered a baby to be held and he doesn’t know what to do because he doesn’t frequently hold babies, but still. He’s nervous. 

He’s sitting in the acai bowl place with his hands in his pockets, palms sweating. Logically, he should take his hands out of his pockets to remedy this, but if he does that then he’s just going to rub his sweaty hands through his obnoxiously long hair until you get there, and he doesn’t want to pour his heart out to you with sweaty hair. 

So he sits on the high stools by the counters against the windows with sweaty hands and a nervous blink, watching to see when you’ll walk in. 

It occurs to him then that if all goes well, you might actually end up holding hands after all of this is over, and for God’s sake he cannot have sweaty hands, so he gets up and grabs about fifteen napkins from the dispenser to the suspicious glare of the underpaid teenage worker behind the cash register, rubbing his palms profusely on them. 

It is then, as Jungkook stands looking simultaneously like a fish in water and like he just walked out of middle school PE, that the bell above the door rings and you walk in, hands in the pockets of your hoodie and your backpack resting on your shoulders. 

“Hey,” you say softly, standing next to him as you stare up at the menu board. Jungkook’s come here before with you, and he’s already memorized your order. 

“Hey,” Jungkook replies, weirdly out of breath. 

“What are you getting?” You ask. Jungkook hates how neither of you know how to start the conversation. 

“Oh, just, uh, my usual, I guess,” Jungkook says with a shrug. He has been here a total of one other time (with you), and he didn’t really like what he got last time, but now it’s been established as his ‘usual’ and he’s in too deep to change it now. 

You end up back where Jungkook was sitting before, next to the giant glass window that overlooks the busy street. Jungkook sets his acai bowl down on the counter, turns to face you, and takes a deep breath. It’s now or never. 

“I—”

“I think I like you,” you blurt out first, words tumbling out of your mouth like an avalanche. You’re staring at Jungkook, biting down on your lip nervously, and Jungkook sputters. “I’m just gonna tell you up front. I think I have a crush on you. No, I know that I do.”

“I—” Jungkook says again, floundering. “I don’t—” 

“I’m really sorry,” you say, turning back to look at the strawberries in your bowl. “I think it’s been building up slowly for a while, but ever since that night at Hoseok’s house I just… I realized, you know?”

Jungkook’s silent. 

“And I knew that I had to tell you because we’ve been really clear about all of the terms of this… agreement and I wasn’t going to hide this from you either,” you’re rambling now, words practically bouncing on top of each other. “I’m really sorry, Jungkook. It’s okay if you’re angry or something, I know that this wasn’t part of the contract because you kind of have to find a new partner since we both made it clear that this relationship wasn’t inherently romantic even though I made it into one anyway. Just say the word and we can call this thing off. I’m sorry.”

You stare down into your acai bowl like it just set the curve for your least favorite class. Jungkook sits there, acai bowl untouched, words processing. 

“Do you… want to say anything?” You ask, nervous again. 

“Don’t apologize,” Jungkook says. His hands are all sweaty again, but he barely pays them any attention. “I don’t care. Fuck the contract, honestly. It’s a Google Docs.” You’re gazing at him with wide-eyes, shocked that he’s even opened his mouth. “I’m really glad that you and I are doing this together. I probably would have never even met you if it weren’t for you interrupting me and Yoongi at the coffee place.”

You grin. 

Jungkook realizes, then, that he’s been waiting too long to do this. 

“Honestly, I—” He says before chuckling, sweaty hand scratching at the nape of his neck, “I was gonna tell you something too. But you beat me to it.”

“Hmm?” You ask, looking at him. 

“I think I like you, too,” Jungkook says, and his heart seems to finally settle. “No, I know I do. You’re right—it’s been a long time coming, but the party at Hoseok’s just… I realized. I needed you to know that, too. You deserved to know that this is reciprocated.” Jungkook gets a burst of confidence (probably from the cool air that rushes through the room whenever someone opens the door), and takes your hands in his own. They’re sweaty, and Jungkook feels like he just ran a marathon, but it feels almost like they belong. Like this moment was meant to be. 

“We may have started this thing because of my dumbass friends, but I want to continue it with you,” Jungkook says. He’s six lectures behind in his differential equations class, he hasn’t done the readings for his Korean-American history course since the beginning of the semester, his diet has mostly consisted of midnight ramen and chocolate chip granola bars, but he has never felt lighter. “I like you a lot, Y/N.”

“Oh, thank God,” you say dramatically, heaving a sigh. “Because I like you a lot, too.”

Naturally, it’s smooth sailing from there. At least one aspect of Jungkook’s life is working out for him. His differential equations lectures, history readings, and diet are still works in progress. 

“So, can I delete the Google Drive document?” You ask, pulling out your phone. “I don’t think we need it anymore, do we?”

“Unless you still want to reference it for instructions on how to be a good significant other,” Jungkook jokes. He still hasn’t touched his acai bowl. He definitely needs to come clean and order something else next time. “My standards are pretty high.”

“Hey! I exceed all of those standards on a regular basis, don’t I? I bought you hot chocolate and a croissant that one day. And I’m good with your friends. Isn’t that, like, what all guys want in a relationship?”

Jungkook pouts. It kind of is, but truth be told you exceed his standards just by existing. “No,” he insists. “Sometimes they just want to be little spoon but everybody makes fun of them.”

“Aw, do you want to be little spoon?” You ask, totally endeared. You press a kiss to his cheek and it makes his skin turn cherry red. “You can be little spoon. I think that I’m a great cuddler.”

“We’ll have to test that theory,” Jungkook says with an eyebrow raise. 

“Hmm, I like the sound of that,” you say, leaning into him. Jungkook lets his body be enveloped by your warmth, basking in it, before you jump up, something else popping into your head. “Oh! We should probably tell your friends to call off the deal, don’t you think?” You say. “This isn’t really about the money anymore, is it. I’d feel bad.”

Jungkook has half a mind to tell you that Taehyung would probably bathe in one hundred dollar bills if their apartment had a bath, so four hundred dollars is practically pocket change in his eyes, but you’re right. As usual, you’re right. Curse you and your good-hearted nature. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Jungkook concedes easily. You could probably tell him to change his major to English and he would listen to you. “I’ll tell them tomorrow.”

“Oh God, they’re gonna roast us so hard for making a deal,” you say, face-palming. This is true, but Jungkook’s friends will get over it. Jimin’s a hopeless romantic and Taehyung will just be overwhelmingly thrilled that Jungkook actually managed to hold down a relationship. 

“They’ll get over it,” Jungkook says. He presses a kiss to your forehead and lets his heart flutter. 

“You think anything’s gonna change?” You ask, resting your head on his shoulder. 

Jungkook pauses for a second. Wonders if there’s something to fear. And he decides that he couldn’t care less about that. “Even if it does, I don’t care. As long as we’re together.”

“We’ve been summoned,” Taehyung says as he and Jimin arrive at the group study room Jungkook booked specifically for this occasion. 

“By who?” Jungkook asks, scrunching up his nose in disgust. “Because it wasn’t me.”

“No, you’re right,” Taehyung says, collapsing on the chair across from Jungkook. “It was this angry gremlin with hair that looks like a wet mop. Let’s see… what what his name again?”

If there wasn’t a massive table separating them, Jungkook would throw hands at this very instant. 

“The fact that you called both of us here frightens me greatly,” Jimin says as he takes a seat next to Taehyung, their hands interlacing almost instantly. “Either you’re about to tell us you’re dropping out or that Taehyung’s cheating on me with you.”

Jungkook frowns. “Why the fuck would I ever date Taehyung?”

Taehyung gasps. “What do you mean? I’m a catch. Admit it, Jungkookie, you’d date me in a heartbeat.”

“I would literally rather have Jimin vomit into my own mouth,” Jungkook deadpans. Jimin nearly actually pukes at the mention of such an action, and Jungkook decides that even the pure thought of that makes him want to cannonball into a volcano. “But I’m not cheating on either one of you with the other one, and I’m not about to drop out.”

“Oh, thank God,” Taehyung says dramatically, like he says everything else. “I thought that we would lose our resident Buff Boy who eats all of my leftovers at meals. I was worried there for a second.”

“I hate you,” Jungkook tells Taehyung genuinely. 

“If you’re not dropping out, then why did you call us here?” Jimin asks curiously. “To study? Taehyung doesn’t even know where his backpack is.”

“You lost your backpack?” Jungkook says, in awe. He knew Taehyung was careless, but he didn’t think he was that careless. Maybe he really has lost all fucks. Which does not bode well for him, considering he has to write a thesis in order to graduate. 

“I just don’t know where it is right now, alright?” Taehyung says, ashamed. He very well should be. What kind of college student loses their backpack? “Why did you ask us here?” He changes the topic so as not to be subject to any more shaming. 

“Uh, to talk about the whole deal thing,” Jungkook says awkwardly. He has no idea how he’s going to go about this. He walked into this group study room about as prepared as Taehyung is when he walks into his first round of midterms. 

“Ah, yes,” Taehyung nods sneakily. “Honestly, Jungkook, I’m impressed that you and Y/N have even been going on for this long. Does she know about it?”

Jimin smacks Taehyung in the side. “Obviously not, otherwise they wouldn’t still be dating. Have some faith in our Jungkookie for not betraying this deal to her.”

“Actually—”

“Oh, yeah,” Taehyung says with a laugh. “If she knew about this, she’d absolutely break up with you.”

“I’m. Aware.” Jungkook says stiffly. 

“You’ve exceeded all expectations, Jungkook,” Taehyung says happily. “You got a girlfriend and you managed to maintain a relationship for nearly three months all without mentioning the deal to her.”

“Your faith in me is overwhelming.” Jungkook frowns. 

“We’re very impressed with you, you know? She seems really nice, too. I thought you’d, like, resort to Tinder dates just so you could get the money,” Jimin adds on. 

“Oh, speaking of money, since Jungkook’s doing such a good job, how about we…” Taehyung pauses for dramatic effect, which is something he does so frequently that it just makes every one of his sentences overdramatic, “raise the stakes?” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows just as an add-on to the proposition. 

“Seriously, Tae? Don’t waste your money on something like this—”

“But you’re doing so well! Why wouldn’t you want more money?”

The nagging college student part of his brain tells him to just cave and accept the money, because a higher payment means more money for the both of you, which is… tempting. Jungkook is, still at heart, a desperate and money-starved college student.

But he knows he can’t. Not because it would be a waste of Taehyung’s resources, but because neither of you need the money anymore. What for? You’re already dating. 

“Because—”

“Even I would accept it, and I’m an international student,” Taehyung says with a laugh. “Y/N doesn’t even need to know!”

Something in Jungkook snaps. 

“You know what, you guys?” Jungkook says, standing up from his seat angrily, hands slamming onto the table. “No. I don’t want your money, and I don’t want you guys to raise the stakes or whatever. This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be paid to date someone.”

“But what does it matter if she doesn’t know?” Taehyung asks, a single eyebrow raised in confusion. 

“It matters because I care about her! For fuck’s sake, that’s why it matters,” Jungkook says, running a hand through his hair out of exasperation. “It matters because it’s about the principle. I care about her, and I don’t need any sort of incentive to date her. I just want to.”

“But—” Taehyung says again. 

“She knows, you dumbass!” Jungkook shouts. “She’s well aware that there was money on the line. We started dating because we came up with this—this agreement to split the money once the three months were over. But then we both realized we actually wanted to date each other for, you know, an actual relationship, and we decided to get rid of the deal. Which is why I called you guys over here. To tell you that I don’t wanna do it anymore. I’m out.”

“Seriously, Jungkook?” Jimin says. “You started fake-dating someone for money and then you fell for her?”

“She is really nice,” Jungkook insists. “You said it yourself, Jimin. I care about her.”

“Wow,” Taehyung says, speechless, for once in his life. “I never knew you actually went through with all of this. I didn’t even think you’d manage to do it at all. You had me fooled.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook says with a sigh. “Me too. The fact that you guys even thought this deal was a good idea at the time is just… it’s ridiculous. I was dumb, too, for accepting it. But I don’t wanna do it anymore.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says with a simple nod. He’s holding Jimin’s hand, which means all this talk about romance and dating is making him sappy. “We don’t have to do it anymore. I’m sorry for being so obnoxious about it. We’ll call it off.”

Jimin raises his hand, almost like he’s scared to say something. “I know we’re calling this off, but since Y/N knows about this whole deal in the first place, I feel like we should do something to make it up to her. You know, because she got roped into this thing.”

“I think that’ll be nice. Something meaningful, too. Not just money,” Taehyung adds. 

Jungkook grins. He knows exactly what to get.

When Jungkook knocks on your door the next afternoon, he can barely hold his grin in.

“Jungkook?” You say when you open the door to see him, holding a nicely-wrapped but suspicious-looking box in both of his hands. 

“Hi, Y/N,” Jungkook says happily. 

“I don’t like that look on your face,” you immediately say as you usher him inside. “You’re scaring me. You text me are you at your place rn? and when I say yes, I receive no further information.”

Jungkook just smiles. “I have a present for you.”

“I can see that. Can I ask why?”

“Because you’re my girlfriend.”

You squint your eyes. “Is that a good enough reason?”

“I think so. It’s also from Taehyung and Jimin, but don’t give them most of the credit. It’s mine. I got this for you. Because you are my girlfriend and I am your boyfriend.”

“O...kay,” you say hesitantly, hands held out as Jungkook places the box in your palms. You sink under its weight, clearly surprised at how heavy it is for a simple box. “If this is a prank, I’m breaking up with you.”

“Please don’t break up with me. I think I might love you,” Jungkook says, smile so wide it’s beginning to hurt his cheeks. 

You pause, hand on the top of the box about to open it, and look up at him. Your face is impossibly soft, and Jungkook wishes that you could stay like that for longer, just so he can etch it into his memory. Remember it when he’s sad. “You think you might love me?”

“I think so,” Jungkook says honestly, because it’s true. He’s not sure yet, but he knows he’s on his way. “I think I do.”

“I—” You say, soft grin lacing your features. “I think so, too.”

“Open it!” Jungkook insists, giving your wrist a squeeze as encouragement. “I promise it’s not a prank. But even if it was, please don’t break up with me.”

“You are never this happy, which makes me exceedingly stressed,” you say, hands tentatively beginning to take the lid off of the box. “Why are there holes in the side of this thing? Is something about to squirt out at me?”

“No,” Jungkook says. “It’s nice, I swear.”

You narrow your eyes at him. 

“You’re my girlfriend,” Jungkook says. “You deserve it. You wanted it, too. I got exactly what you wanted.”

Before you even have the lid off of the box, you hear a sound.

Meow.  

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

[yoon-kooks]

Tie Me Up

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff & Agust D

Summary: While planning the promotional shoot for Agust D’s second mixtape, you’re visited by the man himself who seems to have a lot of ideas for a “baddie” aesthetic. One suggestion in particular sounds a bit risky, but somehow you’re tempted.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warning: Yoongi may or may not have a bondage kink

A/N: i know what the title says but this is straight fluff, fam :^)

-

As the countdown begins for Agust D’s return, it’s up to you, BigHit’s resident art director, to make preparations for the photoshoot and music video. After playing the mixtape on repeat for the past few days, you’ve come to the conclusion that the visuals need to be bold, in your face, and for lack of a better word, badass.

The only problem is that you know Yoongi. You know how he likes to present himself as the hardcore underground rapper that he is. And you know his Agust D persona is quite raw and outspoken. But more than that, you know that Min Yoongi is actually a softie. Especially around you for some reason.

You’ve seen and experienced it with your own eyes. Because whenever he casually drops by the art department of the BigHit building, he always makes up some pathetic excuse about “enlisting your help for a personal art project” or “needing a change of scenery” just to visit you. And then he’ll just sit there, working next to you on the spare desk that somehow became his second office. He even goes out of his way to buy your favorite dessert “for himself,” only to share half of it with you on late nights in the office.

With the knowledge that Yoongi’s that soft, you struggle to envision him as the badass that Agust D is supposed to be. If only he weren’t so dang cute all the time.

“Fucking Yoongi,” you mumble to yourself as you study photos of the shooting location and several props to spark any sort of inspiration.

“Y/N.” You look up from your computer screen at the boy you’d just cursed out. “I can hear you, you know.”

“What brings you here today, Min Yoongi?” you ignore his comment.

“Ah, me? I just needed a change of scenery,” he shrugs with a whole ass keyboard in hands. “Helps the creative juices flow better.”

“You used that excuse like two days ago. Try harder,” you tilt your head.

“Oh, I did?” he ruffles his hair.

“No, I’m just fucking with you,” you crack into a giggle. “You did say it last week, though.”

“Oh, so you’re keeping count?”

“You could say that.”

“Anyway, I just thought I might as well stop by to make sure you’re not goofing off, young art director.” He makes himself comfortable on the spare desk beside yours. “How’s the planning going?”

“The most goofing off I’ve done all day is bickering with you,” you pinch the rapper’s cheek because that’s just what your fingers do. “As for the planning, it requires a big brain to make someone like you look badass.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he narrows his eyes at you. “Doesn’t it help that I’m naturally scary?”

You blink at the “scary” boy without answering his question. Then an idea pops into mind. “Want to help me plan? It is your music video after all.”

Yoongi nearly shoves his keyboard off the desk. “Sure.”

You turn your screen towards the boy to fill him in on the details. “So what I’m thinking so far is to have some fire involved…you mentioned Bang PD, so maybe like a cameo from him… oh, and it’d be cool if you had an eye scar like Kakashi.”

“Who’s Kakashi?”

“I was also thinking of inviting Seokjin and Jungkook to make a brief appearance?” you continue, again without answering his question.

“Yeah, maybe it’s better not to,” Yoongi sighs. “You know how those two are. They’ll probably just start fighting each other for the hell of it.”

“It would be good to have some of your friends on set to support you, though.”

“Are you saying you’re not a friend who will support me?”

“You know I’ll support you, Silly,” you chuckle. In addition to being a softie, Min Yoongi is also a funny guy.

“Right, right,” he says as one of the sample props catches his eye. “What were you planning on using the rope for?”

“Oh that… You know how Bruno Mars uses a rope to drag a piano around in that one music video? I was thinking something along those lines, but like with something to symbolize your achievements.” You start gesturing as though you’re playing charades. “It’ll be like ‘I had to work my ass off for this motherfucker.’”

“Interesting. I like that,” Yoongi nods, casually picking up the rope. “Or, what if we tied me up?”

“What.”

“Wouldn’t that be kinda badass?”

You attempt to envision a soft Yoongi all tangled in rope, but it’s a little too much for you to process. “Maybe it’s not best to broadcast your bondage kink to the entire world.”

“It’s not a kink, it’s an aesthetic.”

“Right,” you roll your eyes. “It’ll make you look like a real baddie, Yoongi.”

As soon as you snatch the rope out of the boy’s hands, he offers up his wrists to you. But all you can do is stand and stare, wondering if he’s legitimately serious about the bondage kink.

It takes a good minute or so, but Yoongi finally budges. However, you’re caught off guard when his hands wrap around yours—not that you’re complaining. If there’s one thing that you’re weak to about Yoongi, it’s when he completely breaks down his “scary” front and goes full soft boy on you. You’re not sure what triggered the handholding all of a sudden, but you’ll take what you can get.

“I still think it’s a good idea, yeah?” He tilts his head at you with a slight pout. A pout!

Aha, you see what’s going on.

“I’m not going to let your adorable face sway me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Yoongi drops your hands and sighs. “I don’t get why you always think I’m cute.”

“Because that’s just what you are,” is what you want to scream. You swear the boy drives you crazy sometimes. “It doesn’t matter what I think, Yoongi. You are what you are.” It’s not an opinion. It’s a fact.

“So no rope?” he blinks at you with that pout again. Stay strong, Y/N.

“Fine, we can try the rope if it makes you happy…” It’s your turn to pout. His cuteness always wins. It’s too powerful. Even more powerful than Agust D himself.

As you fumble around with the rope to get it around the boy’s wrists and body, he has the audacity to snicker.

“What?” You shoot him a look. You’ve never seen someone so delighted to be tied up. Then again, bondage isn’t really your area of expertise.

“Nothing,” he hums.

“You know, if someone walks in right now, they’ll get the wrong idea.” You tie a neat bow at the small of Yoongi’s back.

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

“You seem to care when I think you’re cute.”

“You’re different.”

“Is that so?” you giggle, backing up to get a full view sample photo of the tied up boy. You honestly don’t get the appeal. He just looks like a bigger dork than he already was. Then again, you are pretty smitten for that adorable dorky side of his.

“Did it work?” He waddles over to you in the restraints. You show him the photo and he nods in approval. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re the biggest dork ever, Yoongi,” you tease.

“You’re not affected at all by this?” He tries to lift his wrists.

“I’ll admit you’re right about it fitting the Agust D aesthetic. I can respect it to that effect,” you try to keep it professional for 0.2 seconds. “But on a personal level, I can’t unsee how dang soft you are.”

“I’m not soft,” says the soft boy as you untangle him from the rope.

“Right, and you’re not going to treat me to my favorite dessert after this.”

“I’m not?” The first thing the boy does when his wrists are free is take your hand once more. “Because I’m headed there right now if you want to tag along.”

You smile, shake your head, but follow him nonetheless. You’ve proven your case. The world may see and fall for the hardcore badass in Agust D all tied up with scars and shit, but you’ve fallen long ago for the dork who simply hangs with you for a nice change of scenery.

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[my-seokjinnie]

Relationship: Kim Seokjin/Reader Warnings: Cheating Word count: 4206 Genre: Fluff, angst Summary: Your friends-with-benefit partner, Kim Seokjin, surprises you only to find out you haven't been completely honest with him lately.

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You had never been a friends with benefits type of person. You were much too monogamous and prudish to share just your body with someone. You had always wondered how anyone could keep that kind of arrangement up without catching feelings for the other person.

However, your mindset had changed on the friends with benefits situation when you met Kim Seokjin. You had first befriended his roommate and bandmate, Min Yoongi. Your personality matched well with Yoongi and you had become close friends quickly. It hadn’t been long into being Yoongi’s friend that you had been introduced to Jin.

There had been no denying that he was beautiful. You had immediately been hypnotized by his captivating eyes and his breathtaking smile. And the worst part was that he had an amazing personality to accompany his good looks. He was funnier than anyone you had ever met and he could find the fun in almost any situation. He had an almost shy side, too. He would blush up to his ears, sometimes. It was an endearing quality you had grown to love.

A few months after you had met Jin, Yoongi had invited you to his birthday party. Everyone had had way too much to drink and most of the party had been a drunken blur. All you knew was that you had wanted Jin more than you had wanted anything at that moment — and he had wanted you, too.

The sex had been great. More than great, honestly. Mindblowing. Jin hadn’t kicked you out afterward, either — showing his true gentlemanly colors. You had spent almost the entire day with him — playing video games and goofing off together.

You had genuinely thought that this could blossom into something more than a one-time thing. And, in a way, it did. While you had hoped for something more committed and romantic, Jin had something else in mind.

A month had passed and the two of you had slept together five more times before you had the talk.

“What’s going on with you?” Jin asked, raising his eyebrows. You had been fidgeting in your seat for the last twenty minutes. You hadn’t thought you were being obvious, but of course, Jin had noticed.

“Can I ask you something?” you said, nervously fiddling with your chopsticks. Jin seemed to sense the seriousness of the conversation and set down his own chopsticks to give you his full attention.

“Of course,” he said, giving you a nervous smile. “What’s up?”

“What are we?”

The moment you said it, you felt your entire face light up. You hated having these kinds of conversations. They always made you so uncomfortable. Jin’s face contorted into several emotions before settling on guilty.

“I like you, y/n,” Jin said, sighing deeply. “But I don’t want a relationship right now. I didn’t think you did, either. I’m traveling constantly. It would be stupid to start a relationship right now.”

You felt let down. You knew this was coming, but you still weren’t prepared for it. You had been right about the friends with benefits situation. You knew it was going to backfire. You had developed feelings for Jin. But, the feelings weren’t too strong, yet. You could probably stop now and try to push them away to keep your friendship intact.

“I’m sorry,” Jin said, looking really uncomfortable with your silence.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, plastering on a fake smile. “I just wanted to clarify. We should probably—”

Before you could say the word ‘stop,’ Jin continued on.

“If you want to keep, you know, sleeping together, I wouldn’t object to that,” Jin said, the tips of his ears turning bright red. “I know I’m not around a lot and you can definitely sleep with other people. But, just when I’m around…” Jin trailed off, awkwardly.

“Yeah,” you said before your brain could catch up. That’s not what you should do, stupid. Don’t do that. “Let’s continue doing that.”

You were so fucked.

The two of you had been doing this for over a year, now. Jin would pop back to Korea for a few weeks and he would spend almost every free moment fucking you. And when you didn’t fuck, you spent time together. You played video games, binge-watched television shows, ate dinner together, took naps together.

And when he wasn’t there, he was texting you. He would send you funny selfies of himself on a music video set, videos of Jungkook clowning around, a photo of Namjoon sleeping in a funny position. It felt so much like a relationship that you sometimes forgot you weren’t dating.

You didn’t know if he was seeing anyone else and you tried not to think about it, knowing it would hurt you if you found out there was someone else. But, he never spoke about anyone else. You, too, never spoke about any of your dates (there had been few) or sex (even less) to him either. After it had gone on for a few months, your monogamous heart attached itself to Jin. You had tried to push away the feelings that had formed, but you hadn’t been successful.

But instead of telling Jin about your feelings, you decided to go in the opposite direction. You began dating again. You were at the point now where you wanted a real relationship. You wanted to love someone and be loved back. Spend mornings together curled up together in bed, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s skin. You wanted a boyfriend who would show you off and introduce you to his family. You wanted to be in love... with someone who wasn’t Kim Seokjin.

You hadn’t told Jin. He was on the American leg of the tour right now and wasn’t supposed to be back in Korea for over two months. You two had always had an open “relationship” and you didn’t want to say anything or end that before you knew you had found someone you liked enough to see a possible future with.

Park Hyunwoo was his name. You had met him through your co-worker. He was kind and intelligent. Your similar sense of humor and shared interests had caused you to hit it off pretty easily.

By your fourth date, he had asked you to be his girlfriend. You didn’t want to acknowledge how you hesitated — your thoughts being overwhelmed by Jin. You didn’t want to think about how you wished you could have this with him. Instead, you pushed down the doubt and longing for Jin and said ‘yes’ to Hyunwoo.

And everything was fine. You still texted Jin. You hadn’t found it in your heart to tell him that you wanted to end your arrangement. You hadn’t even mentioned Hyunwoo to him. You had only been officially together for two weeks, now. You didn’t think it would hurt to wait a few weeks more. It’s not like you were sexting Jin anymore. You had found excuses to keep it mostly friendly. Jin was known to flirt and you had flirted back — but nothing too out of control.

You definitely should have mentioned Hyunwoo, though.

About two weeks after you and Hyunwoo had officially started your relationship, he had been staying the night. He had headed over after his shift at the hospital and fell asleep almost immediately. You weren’t even remotely tired, yet. You had always been a night owl. You were alone, in your living room, typing away on your computer, trying to finish up some work that you had been putting off for days.

You were sitting in complete silence, causing you to startle when you heard the clicking of a key unlocking your door. You set your laptop down quickly and made your way towards the door. Only two people had a key to your apartment: your best friend and — oh no.

Jin stood in your doorway, shrugging off his jacket, easily, and hanging it on the hanger by the door. You felt your heart drop. He looked so insanely good. He was wearing a baseball cap, dark-rimmed glasses, black jeans, and a gray hoodie. He looked like he had just woken up from a nap.

The tiredness left when he saw you, though. His face spread into a large grin and he took three big strides towards you. You felt his lips hit yours before you even comprehended what was happening. Kissing Jin after such a long time was always so exhilarating. You had missed these lips far more than you wanted to admit.

Your brain was screaming for you to push him away and immediately explain that your boyfriend was sleeping in the room next door, but, the feeling of his lips on yours was fogging up your mind. You had missed him, so much. Once he had begun playing with the end of your t-shirt and your kisses had gotten sloppier, you finally gained your senses.

You pulled away from him suddenly, causing Jin to frown down at you. But, he soon replaced it with one of his breathtaking smiles.

“Miss me?” Jin asked, leaning his head down to kiss your neck. You pulled away again, sidestepping yourself from the corner he had trapped you in.

“Jin.”

You hated the way you said his name. You knew it sounded breathless and smitten. Like you loved him.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in LA.”

Jin looked confused by your sudden need to put space between the two of you. Normally, when he showed up, you were all over him from the moment he walked in the door.

“They gave us a few days off,” Jin said, a small grin on his face. “Yoongi had to fly back to do some work here. I decided to join him. I guess I missed you.”

You felt your heart flutter a bit at that. You tried to push it down, but the genuine look in his eyes had your stomach doing somersaults

“We should talk,” you said, suddenly.

Jin tilted his head, confused. The serious tone of your voice must have invoked a bit of panic in him because he took a step closer to you, hoping to close the distance between the two of you.

“y/n?” Hyunwoo’s voice sounded behind you and you felt dread like you had never felt before. In the entire time you had known Jin, you had never seen him looked so shocked.

“Oh,” Jin said, looking between the two of you. He took in Hyunwoo’s disheveled appearance and the time of night and seemed to piece things together. “I didn’t realize you had someone over.”

“Is that Jin from BTS?” Hyunwoo said, his eyebrows raising.

You needed a drink. This was not happening. You knew you should have told Jin about Hyunwoo sooner. You knew this would backfire in your face. You felt like the worst person in the world at this moment.

“Hyunwoo, sorry we woke you,” you said, finally chancing a glance at your boyfriend. “Jin is an old friend. He just got back in town from LA. He just dropped by to say hi.”

“At midnight?” Hyunwoo asked, looking confused.

“The time change,” Jin said, halfheartedly, with a shrug. “Messes me up. I guess I didn’t think.”

Jin was looking at you now. His face was going through a mixture of emotions but you were far too overwhelmed to decipher any of them.

“Oh, alright,” Hyunwoo said, seeming to believe Jin’s horrible excuse.

He walked over to you and put his arm around you. He pulled you close to him, kissing the side of your head. Jin visibly flinched in front of you.

“Babe, you didn’t tell me you knew BTS. That’s insane.”

“Yeah, it’s a long story,” you said, trying to brush it off.

“I should go,” Jin said, suddenly. “I interrupted your evening.”

You wanted to shout for him to stay, but how could you? You had lied to him and your boyfriend. If Jin wanted to leave, he should be able to leave. The thought broke your heart, though.

“No, you stay,” Hyunwoo said, looking in between the pair. “I’m actually leaving.”

“Leaving?” you said, looking confused. Hyunwoo had been planning on spending the night tonight, so you two could do something tomorrow morning.

“I just got paged,” he said, holding up his pager that notified him when he needed to go into the hospital. “There was a massive accident on the freeway. They need all the help they can get. But, have fun and try to get some sleep. I know you’re stressed about work, right now.”

Hyunwoo pulled you into him to peck your lips, once. He slipped on his jacket and shoes quickly and waved. “I’ll call you when I’m off. I’ll take you out for breakfast or lunch… depending on how long it takes.”

“Sounds good,” you said, your voice strained. You were going to be alone with Jin now and you weren’t sure if you were prepared for it.

After he said a final goodbye to Jin, Hyunwoo was out the door. The silence in the apartment was deafening. Jin was shifting back and forth on his feet and you were awkwardly tapping your fingers against your arm.

“I should have told you,” you said, finally. Jin looked up at you, his face blank of all emotion. He did this when he didn’t want you to see how he was actually feeling.

“It’s none of my business who you are seeing,” Jin said, his voice sounding strained. It seemed that he could mask his facial expressions, but not the sound of his voice. “This isn’t a relationship.”

“No,” you said, leaning against the couch. “It’s not. We agreed to that a long time ago.”

“So, this is over, then?” Jin said, gesturing between the two of you.

You felt a bit of panic at the idea of your and Jin’s arrangement coming to an end. You knew this was coming. You were going to have to tell him eventually. But, it had always felt like something far off. You were supposed to have a few more months to get used to the idea.

“Yeah,” you said, trying to keep the emotion out of your voice. “It has to be. Hyunwoo doesn’t know anything about this. I was going to talk to you about this when you got back from your tour. It felt strange to text you or call you about it.”

“Yeah,” Jin said. He hadn’t looked at your face for a while. His eyes were focused behind you, instead. “I understand.”

“I’m sorry, Jin,” you said, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions that were bubbling up. You didn’t want this to end, but it had to.

“For what?” Jin asked, his voice a bit sharper than he intended. “This was never anything. It was just sex.”

That hurt. Yes, this had started off as just sex. But, it had grown into a great friendship. The two of you had grown close to one another throughout the year of this arrangement. While sex had started out as the main priority, it had developed into something that brought both of you so much comfort. You sometimes felt like you knew Jin better than you knew anyone. You had seen him frustrated and vulnerable before. You had held him, stroked his hair, did everything in your power to make him smile. He had told you things he had never told anyone before. And you, in return, had done the same. He knew the ins and outs of your heart.

There had been far more intimacy than just sex in this relationship.

“We’ll still be friends,” you said, hopefully. “You can still text me when you’re on tour. Visit me when you’re in town.”

Jin seemed to pause for a moment, his eyes finally meeting yours. You saw something you hadn’t expected to see: pain. Real pain. This was affecting him much more than he was letting on.

“Jin,” you said, pushing off the couch and closing the gap between the two of you. You grabbed ahold of his hand and held it in yours. “I’m—”

Before you could react, his lips were on yours again. You were so caught off guard by it, that you nearly fell. Jin wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you in place. The kiss wasn’t like your normal kisses. It wasn’t heated or needy. This kiss was passionate and soft at the same time. He moved one of his hands up to cup the side of your neck softly, stroking his thumb against your jawline. This kiss felt different. This kiss felt like… more.

When he pulled away from you, his eyes were boring into yours.

“You can’t do that anymore,” you said, feeling breathless.

Jin’s arms were still around you and you wanted to pull out of them, but you couldn’t bear to. One part of your brain was screaming to run away and kick him out, while the other part wanted to stay in his arms forever. You wanted to snuggle closer to him and bury your face in his chest, inhaling the familiar and comforting scent that was just… Jin.

“I know,” Jin said, softly. His eyes bore into yours, as though he was trying to convey a message to you. You couldn’t read it. You didn’t know how to make his pain go away.

“I’m sorry,” you said, again. This time, Jin’s eyes changed. He looked frustrated with you.

“Stop saying you’re sorry,” he said.

He pulled away from you, putting a bit of distance between the two of you. You could see his hands form into fists.

“Stop feeling sorry. I’m fine. We fucked. That’s all this was.”

“Jin,” you said, going to reach out to him.

“I’m going to go,” Jin said, ignoring you. You grabbed his hand to try and still him. Jin looked back at you. “Let go. Enjoy your breakfast with your boyfriend.”

You had never seen Jin this upset before. His eyes were flashing dangerously and his tone was deadly.

“Stop that,” you said, beginning to feel anger well up in you, too. “You don’t get to be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry.” Jin’s voice contradicted the words.

“Yes you are,” you said, glaring at him. “I know you, Seokjin. This isn’t fair. You’re the one who told me you didn’t want anything else with me. You’re the one who told me that we could see other people, too.”

“Fuck other people,” Jin corrected, turning around to face you, again. He looked crazy; like he was being pulled in a million different directions. “Not fall in love with other people.”

There it was. That word. Love. You felt yourself deflate.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Jin,” you said, sighing deeply. “You tell me you just want sex — no strings attached. I comply, even though I wanted more than that. And then you treated me like your girlfriend for over a year, but you still didn’t want to date me.”

Jin looked like he was going to interrupt, but you continued on before he could.

“You obviously aren’t interested in being my boyfriend. You would have said something by now. I couldn’t keep wanting you, Jin. I couldn’t keep chasing after you. I needed more than just sex. I needed someone to love me and care about me. I needed to find someone who could give me that. And now that I have, you’re here making me feel like absolute shit for finding someone that wants to do more than just fuck me.”

Jin looked at you, dumbfounded for a moment before he made his way towards you. He put his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes.

“y/n,” Jin said, more serious than you had ever heard him. “If you think that the only reason I like you is for your body, then you haven’t been paying attention. If you think I show up here every break I have and spend almost all of my time off with you because I just want a quick fuck, then you’re insane. I haven’t dated, fucked, or even looked at another girl for almost an entire year. You’re all I think about. If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t have just spent 13 hours on a plane just to spend two days with you.”

“But—” you began, but he cut you off.

“I’m sorry I didn’t flat out say I had feelings for you,” Jin said, looking exhausted. “I just thought you picked up on them. I thought I was obvious. You’re the best part of my day. I’ve told you that, before. Many times. Don’t you listen? You need to listen more.”

You rolled your eyes, suddenly. Of course, he would scold you during a love confession. How very Jin-like.

“You need to be more upfront,” you quipped back. “It’s been over a year and you didn’t say anything about wanting to date me. Did you just think I was going to magically know?”

“It’s fine,” Jin said, shaking his head, a playful smile falling onto his lips. “You just don’t listen. Maybe I did ask you and you just didn’t hear me.”

“You’re so annoying,” you said, laughing suddenly. You shoved him away from you, but he pulled you back into his arms.

“So what now?” you asked, the moment turning a bit serious, again. “What does this all mean?”

“Are you really going to make me ask after all of that?” Jin said, raising his eyebrows at you.

“Jin, I swear to—” you began, but Jin cut you off.

“It means,” Jin paused and sighed deeply. “It means I love you. I want to be with you. Please dump that stupid doctor and be with me.”

“He’s actually a nurse,” you said, causing Jin to glare at you.

“I don’t care what he is,” Jin said, putting his hands on your cheeks. “I can’t believe I just told you that I loved you and you completely ignored it.”

“You genuinely want to be with me?” you asked. “Even though we barely see each other and you could literally have anyone you want? I’m talking models, Jin.”

“Stop,” Jin said, a small grin appearing on his face. “Just tell me you love me back.”

“You’re really needy, you know,” you said, teasing him. He began pushing you into the corner of the room. When you were up against the wall, he leaned in close to your lips, but he didn’t kiss them.

“Say it,” Jin said, his thumb rubbing over your cheekbone. His playful tone was replaced with a more serious one when he said, “please.”

“I love you,” you said, looking into his brown eyes. It was something you had barely admitted to yourself. You knew you loved him. You had for a long time. You just didn’t think you would ever be able to say it out loud.

Jin’s lips captured yours in a mesmerizing kiss. Jin always kissed with passion, but this time, it felt like he was pouring every ounce of feeling into it. When he finally pulled away, he pecked your lips one more time before he pulled back to look at you.

“So, does this mean I’m your girlfriend, then?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at him.

“I was thinking we could maybe just keep having sex,” Jin said but laughed when you slapped him hard on the shoulder.

“Yah!” he whined, loudly. “That hurt!”

“You’re not funny,” you glared playfully at him.

“You always laugh at my jokes,” Jin said, grinning. “You can’t deny I’m funny. I have proof.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you said, rolling your eyes. Jin smiled softly at you and moved some hair behind your ear.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Jin asked, a bit of nervousness in his voice. “I know how awful my schedule is and I know how much it sucks that no one can know about it.”

“We can do it,” you said, shrugging. “We’ve basically been doing it for a year, anyway. Even if there wasn’t a label on it.”

“Okay,” Jin said, a smile on his face. “Now that it’s official, can I officially fuck my girlfriend?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you said, rolling your eyes. But, there was a hint of a mischievous smile on your lips. You held out your arms and Jin picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. You yelped and laughed as Jin marched you over to your room. He gave you a night to remember and in the morning, you broke up with Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo had been shocked but proved to be the gentlemen he had portrayed himself to be. He was kind and understanding. Luckily, feelings hadn’t formed too deeply yet on his side. He let you go, easily.

So, as you laid in bed the night before Jin left to go back to America, you savored his arms around you and the sound of his soft breathing. You felt sadness at the thought of seeing him go, again, but you knew he would come back. And this time, he would come back truly and fully yours.

[lover-of-sans]

Okokok hi! Was wondering if you could do Sans, Papyrus and Grillby headcanons for them getting a crush on someone? (Non specific someone) and maybe include how they realize theyre crushing and what they think about thw whole situation as well as maybe how they confess? Im a sucker for crush hcs so i just had to ask, have a beautiful day!! -tomo

Oooh I am indeed a sucker for crushing HC too, this is my first attempt at writing for Grillby so please forgive me if I goof.

Oh man I may have gone overboard with this, I wrote way more than originally intended...Oops

Sans:

Others would often tease the two of you about being a cute couple, because let’s be completely honest, it's always other people that see it first.

You both would brush it off not thinking too much into it. That is... until one day when you were having some lunch at Grillby’s.

Nothing in particular it going on just some usual chit-chat and some silly puns from him and then it happens.

You tell him one of the punniest jokes he’s ever heard.

He’s doubled over laughing as he holds his stomach, you’re laughing along with him.

He looks up at you at just the right moment where you look your cutest as you’re laughing and it was like someone just slapped him across the face.

He just stops laughing and stares at you watching you laugh as he starts to blush a deep blue.

After a few moments of noticing that he wasn’t laughing you stopped and looked at him to see if he was okay.

“Sans? You good?” You looked at him a little worried.

He snapped from his thoughts “Uhh....y-yeah just peachy”

“Are you sure? Your face looks a bit flushed, are you coming down with something?” You reach to touch his forehead to feel for fever.

He would jerk back from your touch “YEAH! I’M ALL GOOD!”

He would try so hard to hide how he feels about you. He would try with every fiber of his being to not show the effect you had on him.

But....

Suddenly everyday activities with you had an entire new feeling for him.

Every smile you would send his way, or the way you would laugh at his puns no matter how corny they were, or how sparkly your eyes where the first time he took you to the star cave and how much he wanted to kiss you and-

Oh he could think of you for hours with the dumbest look on his face, you had such a strong effect on him.

He couldn’t take this anymore this fluttery feeling in his chest whenever you were around was driving him crazy.

The next time you came to hang out he summoned all his courage.

“Y/N, we’ve known each other for awhile now and even though we are such great friends I don’t know if that’s what I want with us anymore” he looked over at you and saw the sad look on your face “I-I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends anymore! N-nothing like that, I want the opposite if I’m being honest.”

He could feel his face heating up again “I think I’ve fallen hard for you everything you do makes me-... I can’t even put into words”

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly as he looked anywhere but you as he waited for your response hoping for the best.

The silence is killing him until he feels you hug him and admit how you feel the same.

He is beyond happy, hugging you back. “So does that mean that we are... dating now?”

You nod

He laughs hugging you closer.

Papyrus:

You were his favorite human, it was no secret, everyone knew you were.

He loved spending time with you, making puzzles, cooking spaghetti, watching television.

Anything to be with you, you just made him so happy.

He might even say that he loved you...platonically, of course.

One day you both were in the kitchen cooking some more spaghetti, you were standing next to him working on the sauce.

You seemed to be extra excited about this batch, you had found some new spices that you wanted to try.

You both sat down to eat and tried what turned out to be pretty good spaghetti

You looked over at him with a big smile “This is really tasty, isn't it?”

“Yes, human it is quite-...” he looked down at you smiling so brightly at him and you unknowingly had a bit of sauce on your cheek.

“Hold still human” he picked up a napkin and wiped the sauce away, your cheeks turned a faint shade of pink and you looked away slightly embarrassed.

“Thanks” you giggled

Suddenly he felt something, it was like a swirling in his chest.

When you both finished eating and said your goodbyes after making plans for the next day he ran up the stairs to talk to Sans, maybe he would know why his chest felt so funny.

He explained the situation to Sans.

“So” Sans started “would you say that what they did, was it cute to you?”

“Well of course I think they are cute Sans they are my best friend”

Sans chuckled “No, no Pap I got a feeling that you love them”

“Sans I just said they are my best friend obviously I love them.”

Sans laughs a little harder “I meant in the non-platonic way”

Papyrus was quite as he mulled over everything that had been said and he could feel his cheekbones slowly get hot.

Sans chuckled again “Oh my god, Pap, you’re blushing, you got a huge crush on them don’t you?”

Papyrus shot up from his seat suddenly feeling embarrassed and went to his room.

He flopped down on his bed, all of this new information buzzing in his head.

He stared up at the ceiling, his mind slowly drifting to you.

As he thinks about you he realized all of the things that he found so interesting are all the reasons why he has a crush on you.

He hates laying here and thinking about these feelings.

He gets up and makes his way you your house to talk to you.

It’s a short walk to your house and quickly finds himself on your doorstep and knocking on the door.

A moment later you appear smiling got at him with a confused look.

“Papyrus? I thought our plans were for tomorrow did I misunderstand?”

“They were human but there was something I needed to talk to you about”

“Oh, alright, come on in” you stepped aside to let him in and shut the door behind him.

You walked over to the couch and sat down he sat next to you

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

Suddenly his mind went blank, he never actually came up with a plan on what he was going to do or say.

Without thinking he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Sans says I have a crush on you!” he smacked his hand over his mouth and his cheeks burned a bright orange.

You looked at him wide eyed “Do you?”

He was silent for a moment “....I think I do...”

“I think I do too” you began to blush.

Wowie they looked cute like that...

You craned your neck to reach him and kissed his cheek.

That swirling feeling came back

“Does this mean that we love each other non-platonically?”

You blushed harder and giggled at him.

“I guess we do”

He nuzzled your cheek

“Good!”

Grillby:

You came in a lot sometimes to eat sometimes just to talk, sometimes with your friends and sometimes you would come alone, he preferred when you came alone.

You always had interesting things to talk about.

Now that he thought about it he really couldn’t remember most of the things you talked to him about, maybe he just liked hearing your voice.

He glanced over at the clock, it’s almost time for you to come in.

He noticed a while ago that you started coming in around the same times each day and be found himself looking forward to those times.

Some monsters who frequent Grillby’s began to notice how he would burn a bit brighter when you would come in.

Grillby had his back to the door when you came in and didn’t know it was you.

Sans was sitting in his usual spot at the bar so you sat down next to him.

“Hey human”

“Hi Sans”

Grillby heard your voice and-

FWOOSH!

He was burning brighter again.

Some of the other patrons snickered at him.

“Hi Grillby!” You greeted him with your usual cheery manner

“Hello, y/n can I get you anything?”

“No thank you just here for your company right now”

He chuckled nervously and the flames on his head crackled

Your phone began to ring “Oops please excuse me” you got up and walked outside to take the call.

Sans looked over at Grillby as his flames went back to normal.

“Man, Grillby you got it bad for em’ don’t you”

“What, Sans you’re crazy”

“No I think I’m right, some might say that you got the HOTS for them.”

He glared at Sans for the pun and for implying something that wasn’t true.

Sans laughed then shrugged

“Hey you never know they may think you’re a real HOTTY too”

He was about to respond when you came back in looking a bit distressed.

“Hey guys sorry but I gotta go, Undyne needs my help, I’ll see ya later”

And like that you were gone again.

Grillby subconsciously sighed and went back to work.

It was almost closing time and Grillby was disappointed that he hadn't seen nor heard from you the entire day and it brought down his mood quite a bit.

The place was empty and quiet, he started to think about what Sans said, it started to bug him.

Sure he was always happy to see you, and you always put him in a good mood, and he always felt better after talking to you, but that didn’t mean he had a thing for you...did it?

He must have been deep in thought because he didn’t hear the door open nor did he hear a sweet cheerful voice that greeted him.

You wave your hand in front of Grillby’s face

“Hey, earth to Grillby”

He snapped back to reality suddenly seeing you in front of him-

FWOOSH!

His flames where even brighter than when he usually was around you.

You thought you scared him.

“Whoa, Grillby, relax it’s just me, sorry I didn’t mean to spook ya that hard”

“Oh no, I’m alright don’t worry about it”

He rubbed the back of his neck

“I guess I was lost in my own head there for a bit”

You laugh a bit

“Sorry I was gone all day, I missed hanging out with you.”

His chest got tight, he tried to distract himself by cleaning up the bar.

“It wasn’t the same without you here, I guess I missed you too”

“Aww you really missed me?” You teased

He now realized that he said that out loud instead of in his head but there was no going back now.

“Heh... yeah, it was too quiet”

You stared at him as he worked, the longer you looked the more uncomfortable he became.

“Something on your mind,y/n?”

It was your turn to be snapped back, you blushed for getting caught staring

“Oh! Uh...w-well I was just wondering about you, ya know being made of fire thing and I can’t figure out how you don’t burn the things you touch”

He chuckled at your cuteness, it was a fair question for a human that was still getting used to monsters and magic.

“I can control it really well”

“Oh...would it be weird if I asked to touch you?”

You were clearly getting more embarrassed by how red your face had become he found it really adorable actually, maybe Sans was right, maybe he did have a crush on you.

“That would be fine”

He came out from behind the bar and sat on the barstool next to you.

Both of you turning your seats to face each other.

He figured you would touch his arm or something but suddenly he felt a gentle touch on his cheek, he looked up to see your fascinated face looking at him

“This is so strange, my brain is telling me no don’t touch fire but it doesn’t hurt”

You laughed a bit.

This was starting to mess with him

“You’re really warm to the touch, and... I can’t even form words to how fascinating this is”

You brought your other hand up to rest on his other cheek.

Neither one spoke but both slowly leaned into the other until they met each other in the middle with a nervous kiss

Nerves melted away quickly as both got into it

Grillby broke the kiss looking at you wide eyed, did that really just happened?

Oh man he really does have a thing for you

Both were at a loss for words but he broke the silence after a few moments

“I think I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time now”

You tilted your head to the side a tiny bit confused

“You think?”

“Heh, yeah think, because I just realized I had a seriously big crush on you for a long time”

You giggle

“Well that would explain why you would flair up so much when I would come to visit”

“I did what?!”

[dopposhusband]

I know I say it all the time, but I wanted to tell you directly for once: I think the stuff you write is genuinely great! Whether it be a few headcanons, a fic or a description of one of your AUs, I really love them! They're well written and always interesting to read, so thank you for posting your stuff! I'll always be looking forward to more! Once again, I have another question about your boys! Do you have some friendship HCs? Either between them or in general? ^^

@yokairu​ Youre the absolute sweetest!! It means the world to read that, I owe you so much, thank you! I wrote a whole thing about Doppo having friends once at three in the morning and its been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks so I thought the ideas I had there would be interesting here! I also put a lil hc what I think being friends with them would be like too!

Doppo doesn’t really have any friends outside of Jakurai and Hifumi which is a huge shame because I think he could get along with everyone! He really deserves more people to care about him!

💼 Dice inviting Doppo to try a more adventurist life for a night, have the two go gambling and drinking together. I just want Doppo to be able to loosen up and have some fun and I also want Dice to understand just how much of Doppos apology loops come from such an abusive work life. They’re complete opposites and they could learn something from each other!!!

💼 Doppo being a big brother figure for Ichiro, Doppo is literally the walking definition of exhaustion and having to take care of two baby brothers must’ve been tough on Ichiro. So Doppo can understand having to hide more negative emotions from his years hiding them from co-workers, managers, customers, and maybe even his own younger brother. Doppo might not be able to help carry the burden Ichiro has but let him give him like a nice lil head pat, tell him hes doing a great job!!!

💼 Also speaking of buster bros, Jiro and Saburo??? Like imagine Doppo teaching Saburo how to use Microsoft Excel!! Jiro catching Doppo on his lunch break and begging him to buy him lunch too, then Doppo complaining about how much his job sucks and Jiro giving him some of the worst career advice ever.

💼 Rio teaching him how to make all kinds of drinks and foods he can eat to relieve his stress and tension. Just Doppo out in the woods to clear his mind from the bustle of the city, taking in fresh air and just relaxing. Having someone like Rio who isn’t too talkative but is always willing to let him vent then after hes let it all out he can just lie back and look at the stars!!

💼 Even though Ramuda and Matenrou are on very tense terms but having him make clothes for Doppo. It could just be something small like a nicely designed tie but it’d be enough because itd liven him up knowing that this is something no one else in the world has!! And just having him model for Ramuda at all, it would be such a good boost to his self esteem and hed get to wear all kinds of pretty outfits!!

💼 DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! On Doppos days off he host a book club with Gentaro and Rosho! They all talk about books they’ve read, Doppo usually only talks about chapters rather than full books because he rarely has time to read. Gentaro constantly lying about the ending of a book to goof on Rosho and Doppo but always feeling a little bad when Doppo takes it seriously and gets all bummed that it was taking him too long to finish.

💼 Sasara the funny clown man trying his damnedest to make Doppo laugh at one of his jokes!! The salaryman is sad too much he deserves a good laugh too and sometimes Sasaras funny so its perfect!!

👔 Being friends with Doppo changes the longer you know him, at first he’ll be very nervous and overly considerate, but after a long while he’ll eventually relax. He worries a lot about being a burden or about you thinking being friends with him is an obligation so you’ll have to be the one to initiate conversation with him at the beginning. Once he feels confidant that you really care about him then comes the second hurdle of him feeling terrible about never having any time. Time is an issue for Doppo but he tries his hardest to always answer whatever texts you send him and he always extends an invitation to you whenever he can! Slowly, he’ll also be more open about his emotions, not like he isn’t already but he’ll be less worried about expressing them. He’ll be less indecisive on vocalizing his annoyance if you do something that bothers him or if you’re doing something stupid alongside Hifumi. He’ll still be apologetic but less so when it comes to him keeping his ground because you guys are close enough for him not to worry about bending over backwards. Its all a long process but if you do make it to the end you have a very loving friend who is just glad to have you around!

Ichiro needs more people to hang out with, people he can de-stress with when he’s away from his brothers. MC BIG BRO DESERVES A BREAK!

🎧 I know I ship with IchiDice but the two would make great boyfriends and regular friends! Ichiro tends to avoid things that he’s too young so he can’t go gambling instead he gets Dice addicted to a gatcha games. Dice isnt huge on the anime stuff but he sure loves hitting those SSRs! The two are always talking about their pulls, bragging about the good and complaining about the bad almost 24/7. On the other side though when a day gets too stressful Dice is more than okay to listen to Ichiro vent a little, although it is rare and its not like Dice gives good advice but its nice to have an outlet. In return Ichiro always lets Dice crash at his place whenever he hits a massive losing streak.

🎧 Ramuda constantly complains about Ichiro and his brothers clothes so he has an excuse to make them new ones. He also loves texting Ichiro just to chat, always using stickers and litters his texts with emoticons.  。.:☆*:･'(*⌒―⌒*))) °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) ヽ(￣ω￣(。。 )ゝ

🎧 Okay, now hear me out, Rio and Ichiro. It’s the strangest combination but Rio is just such a sweetheart, after the DRB he came over to the Yamada household to check up on them and bring them food. After a little while of gaining his trust Ichiro would slowly warm up to him, I mean he helped with chores and cooked for them. (Even tho the food is a little suspicious being made literally anything) It must be hard to take care of two kids when you’re still a kid too so Rio wants to try and help a little.

🎧 I think there isn’t enough of a focus on him being on good terms with Jakurai and the two being friends. Like Rio, Jakurai worries about Ichiro and how much of his childhood was taken away from him so whenever the two are together he tries to take up the responsibility of paying or driving so he can relax. He takes him and his brothers out fishing occasionally, how much they catch depends on how much Jiro and Saburo argue though.

🔴 Ichiro is an absolutely amazing friend to have! Although his brotherly instincts can make him a little overbearing sometimes, always inviting you over for dinner or reprimanding you if you do something a bit more reckless. He loves involving people in his interests so if you even hint about anime or hip hop he’s on you in a second to drop everything he knows about the subjects, he has whole list of series, artists, and light novels he can’t wait to share! Of course he loves to hear about whatever you’re interested in at the time too and tries to get into it too! Day offs or slow days are anime days so be prepared to get hit with a spam of messages from Ichiro to watch that anime he kept talking about!

Dice travels literally all over the place, he deserves to know pretty much everyone, honestly.

🎲 Jiro and him are some rowdy boys, they get into all kinds of trouble! Whenever Jiro goes tagging sometimes Dice will tag along if he’s too broke to be gambling. If Jiro has any extra cash on him he’ll take Dice to get something cheap to eat since he can’t have him starving himself. Honestly, Dice is like having another older brother except he’s more embarrassing than Ichiro could ever dream to be.

🎲 He usually ends up seeing Samatoki at some of the casinos around Yokohama and like the true idiot he immediately begs for money, not the smartest thing to do to a yakuza but this is Dice. After being yelled a firm no, he’ll usually bum a smoke off him and the two will chat for a little. Sometimes if Samatoki is feeling friendly he’ll tell Dice about any gambling rings happening and if hes being even friendlier he’ll warn him about the dangers too.

🎲 Jyuto and him have run into each other a couple times although it was mainly him having to be escorted off private property. Every time Jyuto gets a call about about someone trespassing he gets so exhausted the moment he shows up and its just Dice again. After being pretend arrested Dice always ends up begging Jyuto to drive him to Rios camp.

🎲 Hifumi has found Dice in the alleyways he takes to the train station, the two usually chat on the way back to his apartment because Dice can’t say no to Hifumi’s cooking. After eating everything Hifumi would make him he’d usually either beg for gambling money or just enough to get back home. Although, on winning days he’ll visit the club, request Hifumi and a champagne call as thanks for feeding him with an extra bonus of downing a whole bottle of champagne. 

🎰 Congratulations you have gotten your very own stray cat! Dice is constantly coming and going so don’t be surprised to wake up and find him sleeping on your doorstep or couch if you gave him a key. He’ll be looking to you for food and the occasional pity 10,000 bills because he swears THE NEXT ONE IS THE WIN PLEASE. You never have to worry about telling him no though, his ability to go from groveling to standing on his feet to just chat is at a record speed. He usually spends his time gambling but if you can’t then he’s more than fine just talking a walk through the town pointing out places where he won or places he lost everything and had to hide while he waited for Gentaro. Past all the begging he’s a funky boy here for a good time and when he hits that 777 you are definitely one of the first people he goes to when its time to celebrate! 

[onelichtwolich]

🔮 see into the past...

Lup doesn’t know how long it’s been.

In this horrible and dark space, time bleeds into itself and then back out, insignificant and meaningless. She tries to keep track of it, at first, if only out of sheer stubborn willpower that’s sustained her spirit for so long, but a week turns into two turns into a month and it starts to get… …disheartening.

Too tame a word? Okay, then: fucking depressing it is.

She can’t see what’s going on outside; she doesn’t necessarily have to. She knows what’s outside of her stupid self-made prison, the same stupid cave that was there the moment she–oh gods, she still can’t believe that she–but no, she shakes her head like it’ll shake those thoughts from her being. She’s a lich, after all; she can’t lose herself to emotion. That has… …dire consequences. And if she ever wants to get out of here, she has to keep her head up. She can’t greet her loved ones as something completely feral and howling. She has to make sure to greet them warmly and kindly and give them the biggest, baddest hugs–

–if she ever sees them again.

(She can’t think like that. She’s going to see them again.

…Probably.)

She learns to detect noise outside of the umbrellaspace, at least, just to get some semblance of orientation. Starts out small, the vague idea of a sound occurring just outside, but she buckles down and learns to hone in on other noises. Whenever there are footsteps, however futile, she howls for help. She pleads with whatever’s outside to please hear her, sense her, know she’s there somehow, please, she’ll do anything. She does this until hoarse sometimes, hoarse and tired and run ragged and putting her head in her hands.

Lup’s alone, no one to be brave or strong for.

She lets herself cry.

She starts to wonder, as she gets into the habit of meditating just to make time pass in any way she can conceive instead of stretching on forever, whether they’re looking for her. They have to be, right? Of course they do; Barry’s love for her is tireless, relentless, never-ending, an infinity symbol imprinted upon her soul. Taako? Hell, he’s her other half; she doubts he can even function without her in any real way, his hat proving at least that he’s nothing short of a fashion disaster without her guidance. None of them would give up on her, because–

–well, because they’re her family. Family doesn’t give up on family, no matter what. So many times on the streets would’ve been more convenient if she’d only had to worry about herself, but that would’ve been unnatural and wrong and lonely, so much so she can’t even fathom it. Taako sure as fuck didn’t want to go to space, but he didn’t want her to be alone and was smart as hell, and that’s always a blessing. They’ve had their fair share of rows and doubts and trials, but they’ve always weathered them together, through thick and thin. Inseparable, you could say, and though he had more reservations than she did about adding more people to their little outfit? Even she knew what a big decision that was, and how much everyone on the Starblaster honored it.

They were all worthy of it, in their own ways.

So no, they haven’t given up on her. Likewise, she won’t give up on them.

Lup goes through this vicious cycle for what feels like countless lifetimes, an inky black stretching out with no ending, and then one day–finally–her ears perk up. She’s gotten her hopes up too many times, shouted out into the void, fought so hard against nothing but there’s no mistaking this.

She hears them. Her family.

“Uhh, excuse me, whichever one you are, the d-dwarf, there’s a cane over here to look at.”

Not just her family–that’s–

A cane? That’s not right.

He knows what this is.

Taako, you idiot, she tries from inside the staff, you come across my corpse and all you can do is goof? I mean, I’ve heard of shitty coping skills, but sheesh.

It doesn’t matter, though. He’s gonna stop fucking around and get her the fuck out of here, end of story. She can finally close this horrible, godawful chapter of her life and move the fuck on to bigger and better things, as she was always meant to–

“I’ll go check it out.”

Merle? Okay, well, good goof on Merle, but he’s not gonna be able to keep that up with a straight face like you and you’re totally gonna–

“What kind of vibe did you get from it?”

This is getting ridiculous. This isn’t funny anymore.

They know what it is; they were there when she made it. Taako called her a clown in a moment of pure and unfettered lack of taste, for gods’ sakes. They know what it is, they know her, they’ve been looking for her, why hasn’t anyone even said her name? Where’s Barry?

“Wrap it in the robe–”

“Wrap it in the robe and bring it along.”

This. Isn’t. Funny anymore.

Merle grips the handle and in her distress and confusion, she sends out a burst of magic that has him flying. Later, she’ll claim this was totally one hundo percent intentional and anyone who thinks it isn’t can talk with her lawyers, which she will def have in the future, but for now? It’s a panicked move, it’s an accident spurned by frustration and fear, and she hears Merle go careening back and then immediately recoils in horror at herself.

Oh fuck, please don’t leave me here, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean–

“Oh, golly, let me give it a whirl! I live like I’m dyin’.”

Okay, steady now, Lup. Calm. This is your brother and you can be chill about it. He’s going to realize, any second now, that this is your umbrastaff and this is where you went. There has to be some kind of rational explanation for his behavior; hell, maybe you’re mishearing! It’s taken you forever to master hearing this shit, anyhow.

Arcana still goes buckwild, but of course he holds his ground. That’s Taako, of course he can handle his shit better than Merle ever could hope to; no need to despair. She can feel his touch in some abstract way she doesn’t understand–no, not touch. More like his essence, coming into contact with the handle of the umbrella and–

“…So now I have an umbrella.”

There’s no acknowledgement in his voice.

…He doesn’t know who I am.

And Lup’s body turns to ash.

[johnnymundano]

Sleepwalkers (1992)

Directed by Mick Garris

Screenplay by Stephen King

Music by Nicholas Pike

Country: United States

Running time: 91 minutes

CAST

Brian Krause as Charles Brady

Alice Krige as Mary Brady

Mädchen Amick as Tanya Robertson

Sparks the cat as Clovis

Lyman Ward as Donald Robertson

Cindy Pickett as Helen Robertson

Ron Perlman as Captain Soames

Jim Haynie as Sheriff Ira Stevens

Dan Martin as Deputy Andy Simpson

Lucy Boryer as Jeanette

Glenn Shadix as Mr. Fallows

Stephen King as Cemetery Caretaker

John Landis as Lab Technician

Joe Dante as Lab Assistant

Clive Barker as Forensic Tech

Tobe Hooper as Forensic Tech

Mark Hamill as Sheriff Jenkins

I have no beef with Stephen King, let’s get that out upfront. I’m not one of those “Yeah, but it’s not proper books is it?” chancers who churlishly resent his Medal for Distinguished Contribution (lifetime) to American Letters. Nope, not me. But Sleepwalkers is a real honker. It’s stoopid, hyuk-hyuk, pick your nose in church, comic book bullshit. And purposely so. Crap like this doesn’t happen by accident. And King is totally responsible for this. There’s no “Wah! Someone took my script and made a shitshow of it” excuse here. Sleepwalkers is often called (as it is onscreen) Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers; the guy’s all over this one. It’s even an original script (maybe, I hear, based on an unpublished story; I didn’t check but I’m pretty sure the only things remaining unpublished by Stephen King in 2019 are his notes to the milkman. And they are due out next year from Subterranean Press, in a limited edition that costs more than a week’s shopping for a small family.) The script is his and so is the director; King personally pushed for Mick Garris, and King got Mick Garris. Even the songs on the soundtrack are pure Stephen King too; old timey R’n’R like at the sock hop where Cindy Lou showed you her woo-woo, mixed with that special kind of shitty heavy rock liked by confused men who think having hair like a girl in a shampoo advert is a signifier of raw masculinity. Other than composing and playing the instrumental score on a home-made kazoo personally, could Sleepwalkers be any more Stephen King? No.

For some unhappy reason whenever he gets any substantial control over a movie King’s IQ plummets to room temperature and all his worst impulses leap to the fore like randy cats. (I submit to the jury Maximum Overdrive (Dir: Stephen King, 1986), m’lud; the prosecution rests.) I think (maybe) King, bless his cotton socks, is trying to recreate the cinema of his youth; stuff like The Blob (1958), Them! (1954), Invaders From Mars (1953) and I Married A Monster From Outer Space (1958). The pulp fun cinema of a dead age. Unfortunately for King, those people back then were trying to make the best movie they could; the pop culture magic which ensured their success and longevity  was purely unintentional and completely impervious to intelligent creation. King’s forays into movies seem to be trying to reverse engineer serendipity; a fools’ errand that results in foolish movies. Movies like Sleepwalkers.

The impulse to gravitate to camp seems ingrained in Cinematic King. Even when he just does one of his almost ubiquitous cameos, he often fails to resist the temptation to goof about like some brain damaged hayseed on a 1960s sit-com. If someone, Criterion maybe, went back and dubbed a pant-ripping fart over all Alfred Hitchcock’s onscreen cameos we’d be approaching the same ballpark of screen disruption as a Stephen King cameo. Of course he has a cameo in Sleepwalkers. A talking cameo at that as a “cemetery caretaker”, and King confounds expectations by playing it like some brain damaged hayseed on a 1960s sit-com. Even better, his unnecessary cameo bounces off unnecessary cameos by Tobe Hooper and Clive Barker; it’s like the business of the movie pauses for a couple of minutes purely so King can piss about with his mates. This is swiftly followed by cameos from John Landis and Joe Dante who, er, say some “lab” stuff I missed because Joe Dante’s hair is so…fascinating. I don’t mind cameos as long as they are unobtrusive but these might as well be announced by dancing girls and a marching band. At least all the characters aren’t called stuff like “Officer Hooper” or “Mayor Corman”; that shit gets old real quick.

As anyone who has ever cleaned out a litter box can tell you, another kind of shit that gets old quick is cat shit. There are a lot of cats in Sleepwalkers, the hero even turns out to be a cat, Clovis by name. In fact Sparks the cat, as Clovis, gives the third best performance in the movie, behind Mädchen Amick  and Alice Krige. Mädchen Amick is undeniably great here. She’s totally pleasant and nicer than nice without making you want to choke on your own fist. There’s an exuberant scene of her dancing to a song Stephen King obviously likes, in the lobby of a cinema, which is a very lovely scene and she continues to be a refreshing presence throughout the movie. Alice Krige is also good value, striking a nice balance between vile and vulnerable; she acts like her no doubt soon-to-be-fired agent told her she’s in a serious movie. Everyone else seems to have received a script with “Camp It The Fuck Up, Daddio! Love, Steve-o” scrawled across it, probably in crayon. Were that the case, then everyone performs superlatively. The usually fine actor and generally welcome screen presence Ron Perlman, particularly, thunders through every scene he’s in like subtlety is a crime.

Maybe in the world of Sleepwalkers subtlety is a crime. Because the world of Sleepwalkers is a funny world, one where werecat son and werecat mom Charles and Mary Brady (Brian Krause and Alice Krige) wander about feeding off the psychic energy of virgins, enthusiastically incesting and driving fast muscle cars. For some reason they also feel it necessary for Charles to attend school which, you might  think, would create a lot of complications for a nomadic couple who need to keep off the authorities’ radar. If you did think that, you would have put more thought into this set up than Stephen King. These werecat people can make themselves invisible; okay. They can also make their car invisible; um. And they can make their car change into another car; er, no; sometimes it will turn back into the old car if they don’t concentrate; so, wait, the car is real but also an illusion? But how can they drive an illusion? So it must be a real car, but…oh God, make it stop. And mom werecat has to stay at home while son werecat goes out and gets the virgin energy to feed to her. If the mom werecat can only be fed by her offspring, how did she survive long enough to have offspring? Or is it just that mom werecats are all agoraphobic? Also, the werecat people look like humans unless they are reflected in a mirror (but only when the script remembers) and they, uh, still leave mirrors up in their house so visitors can narrowly miss seeing their true nature. Oh, yeah, obviously, normal cats are the werecats’ natural enemy and in the world of Sleepwalkers police officers can have their cat in the car with them, which is lucky because the proximity of a normal cat also causes the werecat to reveal its true nature.  Unfortunately, once revealed, their true nature of a werecat is remarkably similar to someone with jaundice who has lost an enormous amount of weight very rapidly, all topped by a big bald cat head. In summary: ancient Egyptians liked cats, cats are magic but werecats are nasty and really bad and not very good at keeping their existence a secret, but they do their homework and drive cars Stephen King would doubtless describe as “bitchin’”.

I should probably say that Mick Garris’ direction is fine, and sometimes very good indeed and I did enjoy his use of ‘80s horror movie lighting techniques. But I really want to point out that Mick Garris has written some very good horror fiction himself; well worth seeking out. As is Sleepwalkers; but you need to know what you are getting: entertaining nonsense, a kind of retro-crap honestly proffered in the spirit of drive-in goofballery. Essentially though, you can never shake off the feeling that Sleepwalkers exists purely because Stephen King came up with the scene where someone is killed by a corn on the cob and then built a ramshackle movie around that. Unfortunately it’s not a very good movie. But it is entertaining. M-O-O-N, that spells entertaining. Laws, yes!

[laughing-with-god]

BTS Reaction #4- Love At First Sight

HOSEOK-  “I’ll be out in a second!”  You called out to the front of the shop as you heard the bell ring that told you a new costumer just entered.  

  You eyed the pot in front of you and nodded to yourself.  It looked like enough soil, so you smiled and took off your gardening gloves.  You headed to the front counter, where a smaller yet older lady stood by, eyeing the place with a secretive grin on her face.  

  “How may I help you ma’am?”  You asked politely.  She smiled at you and gestured to all the flowers by the huge bay window.

  “Do you offer flower delivery?”  She asked.  

  “Of course.  Most of our flowers are delivered with a note though.  Do you have one with you?”  You told her.

  “Well, my son’s birthday is next week and I have the card.  I just don’t know what kind of flowers I should send with it.”  She hummed thoughtfully as she gazed around the shop.

  “Roses seem to be a costumer favorite, however poppies are in season and we have a few out back.”  You answered blandly.  Your boss was always telling you to push the roses and poppies, since they were the most expensive.  Personally, you thought they were over-rated.

  “Hmm...what do you think?”  

  “If you don’t mind me suggesting, I would think our white and yellow daisy bouquet would be nice.  White is for purity and innocent love, while the yellow stands for luck and good health.”  You advised her carefully while eyeing the flowers.  

  She seemed to think about this for a bit, before nodding and handing you a birthday card.  

“So how much will that be?”

.....

  It has been four days since the lady came in for the bouquet of flowers for her son.  Today was the day that the flowers would be delivered and you quietly made sure the arrangement was in order, cutting off any last minute thorns.  

 “Hey, (y/n)!”  You boss yelled out from his office.  You stalked forward ended up at his doorway.  

  “Yes Sir?”

  “The delivery man just broke his ankle.  I’m going to need you to due all the deliveries today.”  You let out a deep sigh as you noticed the weather outside get gloomier and gloomier.  

  “Okay sir.”

....

  You ended up in front of a factory like place.  The address you got lead you here and you wondered if this son worked as a factory worker.  You hurriedly skipped to the entrance as you felt rain began to trickle down from the sky.

  The factory was empty and instead filled with many people running around with lights, cameras, makeup and outfits.    Suddenly, a lady holding seven cups of coffee bumped into you.  

  “Um, excuse me, where can I find a Hoseok?”  You asked.

  “He should be done with his photo shoot right about now.”  She gestured over to a corner of the factory that held a table with food. Photo shoot?  You followed her direction and saw a tall man standing by it, stuffing a rice cake into his mouth.  You guesses this was Hoseok, as there was no one else there.

“Umm...Happy Birthday?”

He turned around and looked at you with wide and glossy eyes.  In shock of you, his jaw dropped as a rice cake fell from his mouth.  

  Years later, Hoseok would swear to god he thought an angel was delivering him flowers that day.

JIMIN- You huffed loudly, annoyed.  You weren’t sure why you signed up for this.  Sure you loved makeup and trained hard to get where you have gotten.  However, you were more into special effects or maybe even some avant-garde makeup for model art.  Never before would you have thought that you would be doing some arragont kpop idol’s makeup.  Plus the job wasn’t challenging at all, pop on some eyeliner, smokey eye, TONS of BB cream, highlighter and sometimes blush.  Nothing too crazy.  However bills needed to be paid and you were told a makeup artist working for a certain popular kpop group all of a sudden got really sick, so they put you to work immediately. You showed up to the backstage of some music show, where a stylist informed you of the concept and implied certain aspects that should be brought out on your idol’s face.  You were taken to your vanity and was left with the promise of a man named ‘Jimin’ arriving shortly.

You quietly sorted out your own makeup along with some of the supplies that was previously laid out for your use.  Silently, you prayed that this Jimin guy wasn’t rude or a high class diva.  Yet, as usual your logical side took over and you began to ponder.

This group is supposedly VERY popular, you’re at a very famous music show and from the looks of it; this backstage dressing room that this group got was very nice and filled with attentive staff members all rushing to do something. 

You sighed.  

This guy was probably one of the most well-known idols in Korea. And fame is very hard not to get to your head.  You mentally prepared yourself for a Diva...or divo, rather.

Suddenly, you felt movement beside you and you realised someone had sat in the seat.  You slapped a brave face on and took out the primer and a foundation brush, you were still looked down and you wanted a quick peek of who this guy was sat down and ready for your appliance, while reaching over for a blender your eyes gazed up so you can see this mans face through the mirror.

He was already looking at you through the mirror’s reflection.  Staring rather...

His puffy eyelids and under-eyes practically smothered his own eyeballs, however you could tell that he was -without a doubt- staring at you.  You realised he may not be informed of why you (someone he’s never seen before) are now doing his makeup so you smiled, bowed and introduced yourself before continuing. 

“Hello, I’m (y/n) and I’ll be doing your makeup until your artist gets back.  Please take care of me.”

His seemingly stunned face was now curled up in a cute, childish grin.  You watched very amazed as his shoulers shrugged up to look smaller, his eyes completely dissapear behind the aeygo bags and and a gummy smile took over, revealing some pearly whites that a colgate commercial would be glad to have.  You kinda wanted to squeal but got ahold of yourself since you had to be proffesional.

“So your my new makeup artist?”  Suprisingly a thick and raspy voice came out of his pouty lips that held a strong busan accent.  You shook your head and reminded him that you said you were just here until the other one got back.  To which his smile dropped to a cute pout and his whole face scrunched up in what you can only describe as determination.  While you began your first steps of his face, you would’ve sworn you heard him mumble; “We’ll see about that.” 

At the end of the day, a representative from Bighit called and offered you a permanent position as Jimin’s makeup artist.  You attempted to decline, but they seemed oddly persistent that you take the offer...

(gif is when you tell him you aren’t his new makeup artist)

TAEHYUNG-You were a huge fan of BTS.  And like most Army, you found yourself growing a soft spot for one particular member.  Yours’ was Taehyung. You just saw alot of yourself in him.  Both of you are really weird and quirky but funny and caring people notheless.  Sometimes misunderstood but more intillegent than what people gave you credit for.  You loved the alien boy because you were an alien yourself.

You were so over-flowing with love that you decided to make a fan-account/blog for him.  You gained hundreds of followers because they loved how funny and unique you are, you also were really friendly and decided to chat with other fans openly on there.  You excitedly annouced that you were going to a bts fanmeet in your city, to which your followers all liked and commented how jealous they were and how lucky you were.  Some demanded you take pictures and video, which obviously you were gonna.  

You got an ask notification the night before the event.  It read, ‘OMG (y/n) I’m so happy you get to see them in person.  I hope that taehyung recongizes you.  Lol, wouldn’t it be funny if he jumped up after you tell him that your followers also call you alien and yell “THERE YOU ARE, MY LONG-LOST ALIEN SOULMATE!  Which planet are you from?!”  Anyway good luck tommorow~’  

You laughed while reading this and typed back a sassy but odd reply before going to bed.  

The next day you arrived at the fan meeting and although you were extremely nervous, a weird sense of calm hit you when you were about to go up to the table. You said hello to the first members, letting them know how wonderful they are and how much their music meant to you when suddenly you were face to face with your bias.

“Hey Tae oppa. You’re my favorite member and idea type and I just want you to know that I understand your antics very well given I’m labeled as weird too by some people.”

He looked up from signing your abulm but stopped in his tracts when he made eye contact.

“What’s your name?” He said, oddly still and not at all like the goof ball persona he had on when meeting other fans. You got scared for a second. Had you offended him or something?

“Y/n” you had said. He nodded in thought for a moment before continuing his signature and asking you some weird questions. Like how many kids you wanted or would you rather stay in or go out for a date. Before long you were shooed onto the next member, not before receiving a long and thoughtful stare from your bias.

At the end of day you were still thinking about the strange encounter you had with the man. You wondered if there was something about you that caused him to act more reserved or if he was just having a bad day? You thought about posting your experience to your followers to gain some insight but then thought against it. After all, idols are human too and the last thing you would want is to stir him up into a controversy.

You received a private message from your blog and when you went to open it, you were left confused.

‘I’m from Saturn. How about you? Love the blog btw, you weren’t kidding when you said you were odd too’

What followed after that was a selfie of Taehyung that you knew for sure was not recycled from the internet. Meaning he had to have taken that as he was speaking to you. He was even wearing the same outfit he had on during the fan signing.

He found your blog and was set on making your ‘alien couple’ fantasy into a reality.

JUNGKOOK- Being a college student was really hard. Constant stress and lack of funds caused you to suffer some mild anxiety. Like right now for example. You were currently looking at the list of books you’d need for the upcoming semester when your heart stopped beating from sheer shock. How in the devil’s butthole were you gonna find a way to pay for this?

“You know, I know a local bookstore that has a lot of university books for like a third of the price if your interested. You won’t have to pay like hundreds of dollars.” Your friend told you, trying to calm you down from the sheer panic attack that was about to hit you. She wrote down the address and told you to find it. With that, you bounced to find yourself some cheap books that won’t cost as much as a couple months’ worth of rent.

You found the shop and found the things you were needing. All except one. You just had one more book to buy but unluckily for you, it was super hard to find. You skimmed the shelves of this cute little shop, humming to the music they were playing in the background.

And then there it was.

The book you were in desperate need for in order to understand your class and pass.

But....it was in the hands of another.

A very good looking guy whom wore a white shirt, beanie and some timbs. You recognized him, given that many students at your school were fans of him and his group. But in this moment did you care at all that he was famous???

No.

If anything it made you more vengeful.

You were barely able to pay for food, and an idol who has everything at his finger tips was gonna steal a deal from you? Yeah, you were gonna let that happen.

“Yah! I need that book! You see unlike you, I am a broke student who REALLy needs that discounted book for a class! As an idol, I’m sure you could afford to buy it at full price!” You screeched in his face.

He looked up and was about to retort when he went silent and his big doe eyes got a glossy look. You continued to rant, somewhat blowing off steam on this innocent guy but little did you know, he wasn’t hearing a word. Lost in space (more like your face), all he could hear was the distant sound of wedding bells and angels singing. It was hard to see who was more insane in this scenario, the person who freaked out at a stranger for grabbing the book you wanted due to panicked stress and possibly the beginnings of a mental breakdown. Or the guy who sat there, let himself get berated bc he was too focused on planning his future wedding with this seemingly crazy person.

(Later he did buy you the book, after you swore to go to dinner with him.)

(GIF of him just staring at how gorgeous you are)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the other day a lot of my twitter tl was rt’s of people’s submitted Family Running Jokes and it was a nightmare seeing what a stale humorless wasteland people’s lives are. what flimsy excuses for jokes these people accepted as valued bants, having such pitiful capacity to appreciate a True goof if they were ever so fortunate to come across it when apparently these brittle shadows of comedy were apparently cherished hijinks for these disappointing people

like i’m outright aghast sometimes at what people decide is worthy of “check out our utter zaniness” commemoration when it’s just like, this person that i know used a silly word instead of very serious vocab!! THAT’S not normal!!!!! just out here earnestly living “matt sweeping the floor even though it’s completely dark out like an absolute ledge”....i’m Disgusted about the abysmally low bar people are pretending is any level of actual Antics. you gotta learn to be funny man

and the Running Jokes aspect of it all just made it so clear how much people are willing to accept that most predictable most hollow most humorless form of so called Humor which is just “if i make a reference to something, and you recognize that it’s a reference, That Is Funny”........absolutely pathetic. yeah you can do references and running jokes and repeated gags or whatever and have it actually involve some level of humor but when it’s just like “remember that time ___ said ____” how dare you even call that a Joke at this point. and then see the second paragraph about how so often it clearly wasn’t That funny to begin with!!! someone just said something just a touch Unserious or god forbid silly and everyone was like oh FUCK

agonizing when you’re around people who Gotta Learn How To Be Funny, Man and they just are like acting incapable of even processing your advanced level of humor which is to say Any humor at all. you bring out a reasonable amount of goofin and it’s like “omg you are So crazy” or just Repeats What You Just Said + Lmao Smh like, GET with it can you HANDLE a Real Joke or is this humorless void you live in just your tragic reality? pathetic. you don’t deserve this silly. like where i often don’t like when other people are drunk but sometimes it’s what’s necessary to get some of these stale wafers even Close to my level of having a sense of humor. but then again sometimes that’s just even more disappointing because it’s the same kind of “unironically finds 69 funny and can’t assemble any more advanced sense of humor” sense of humor, except they’ve also gotten louder. just a glimpse into an existence i cannot and do not wish to comprehend. learn how to be funny

like for real i’m not THAT funny, i Can be sometimes but not like, consistently nor always when i’m trying to think how to be funny, but at least i’m funny enough to know i’m not that funny. those tweets just had me like oh wow some people really need divine intercession to like, level up to the point of appreciating Truly Worthwhile Humor from the time someone said something that deviated in the absolute least from whatever tepid monochrome expectation they had. you just hate to hear that people exist like this

my sense of humor is that if we’re joking around it’s improv. that’s how you be funny. what kind of waste of energy when you toss out some humor and they just go “oh i see, that was humor” and then it falls completely dead, like who tf are you, what kind of life are you living, get away from me. you don’t deserve this. build off of that gift i just gave you. we’re tossing this ball back and forth and making an effort here and having some actual fun. making it so that it’s not so Extraordinary when someone says one mildly silly thing that it becomes family legend or someone draws a boring 4 panel comic about the sheer advanced quirk of it all. i demand more. i demand Knowing How To Be Funny, Man

[therealdanielseavey-blog]

Your mentioned in an interview

Daniel - (His POV)

We were sitting at yet another radio interview, listening to the last few songs they had lined up before we started. I smiled to myself as the last song started, it was Y/N's favorite. I had watched her dance around the house to it countless times. I glanced down at my phone, pressing my home button to light up my lock screen revealing my favorite picture of Y/N. I still remember the day I took the picture as if it was yesterday. She was straddling me in bed, wearing one of my old shirts, her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she kept making stupid faces at me. She was such a goof, but I loved her.

"Hello? Earth to Daniel!" Corbyn waved his hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Oh sorry." I blushed, putting my phone away to start the interview.

"Alright, so let's start out with you Daniel, what were you spacing out about earlier?" They asked, causing me to laugh.

"Um...well the song you played before is my girlfriends favorite and she just left the tour to go back to LA so..." The room erupted with Aw's and I bit my lip.

Y/N hated it when I talked about her interviews, she didn't really want attention from the fans, especially after what happened when we went out.

"So you've got a girlfriend! Tell us about her."

"Well her name is Y/N, and she's my whole world. We've been together for a few years now and I miss her like crazy, but I'm really happy she came and surprised me on tour, even if it was just for a little bit. Um...she hates when I talk about her in interviews so yeah. Sorry babe, love you!"

"He really is head over heels for her." Jack chimed in, looking over at his friend.

"We all love her, she's perfect for him and we all know she loves him just as much as he loves her. So thanks for keeping our mate happy, Y/N. We all love you!" I smiled, hearing my friend talk about Y/N like that.

"How sweet!" The interviewer smiled.

"Now, let's move on.." I nodded, glancing down at my phone in my hand.

I had a text notification from Y/N. "Tell Jack I love him too." I laughed and swiped the screen to reply. "I will. I hope you're not too upset we talked about you. I miss you like crazy baby girl. I love you." I locked my phone again, returning to the interview.

Jack -

The boys were currently doing an interview, you decided to tag along since you had nothing else to do. You were sitting at the side of the stage waiting for their interview to finish.

"Which member is the night owl?" the interviewer asked the boys  

Zach replied "Jack, hands down. Like there is no arguing" while looking over at him smiling widely.

"I think Jack as well." Corbyn piped up as well.

Daniel nodded agreeing with the boys before saying "Uh defiantly Jack. Just the other day I literally was trying to take a nap before one of our shows and you could hear him from his room, which is two rooms down mine."

"I'm not that loud," Jack said putting his hands up in defense.

"Even Y/N thinks your loud at night. You can ask her she's right there." Jonah said while shaking his head and laughing.

He points off camera where your standing with the manager eating your long-awaited lunch. The interviewer turns to you and the camera pans to where you are. You're looking down at your phone scrolling through your Instagram as you chew a mouthful of food.

"Do you think that he is noisy?" the interviewer asked you.

You can feel your face flush, as you look up at the interviewer then over to your boyfriend.

"I think they both make an equal amount of noise at night if you know what I mean," Zach added with a wink. You nearly choke on your food, coughing. While the boys laugh off camera.

"Come on boys, keep it PG!!" Corbyn screamed.

Zach - Zach was in an interview with the boys when his phone went off. Looking down at his screen Zach smiled knowing it was Y/N but then he quickly realized that he was still in an interview so he had to press decline.

Sending a text that said 'Sorry babe but I'm still in the interview. I'll call you when I'm done.'

He put my phone back and looked up to find the guys and the interviewer staring at him.

"That's probably Y/N" Jack looked said and looked at Zach, who's smile only got bigger.

"Wow Y/N. Who is she?"

"That's Zach's girlfriend, he is like crazy in love with her," Daniel said winking over at Zach

"Shut up" Zach mumbled, blushing really hard.

Zach ran his hands through his hair sighing then looking down. He put his head in his face, smiling to himself.

The interviewer asked Zach "What makes Y/N different from the rest?"

"I have never met anyone that has made me want to be a better person. I know it's cliche but it's true"

"What do you love most about her Zach?"

"She is so beautiful no matter what, I swear. Sometimes I'm shocked that is mine, all mine. She is so funny and that is one thing I love about her.

"You've got some lipstick on your face Zach," Corbyn said.

"You tell me now, she kissed me before I came on stage ...."

" Is she here with you now?"

"Yeah, I think she went out though to get us some food"

Jack screamed "She is the best"

Jonah - Everybody answered their set of questions and now it was Jonah's turn. The interviewer just finished asking questions to Corbyn, he then turned to Jonah and asked.

"Jonah you and Y/N are still together after two years. Tell us a bit about her?"

"Y/N, she is amazing, just everything she does and says. I'm surprised she is still with me actually. She'll make sure that I'm okay before herself in any situation and I think, too the boys she is like their older sister."

"Yeah that's true" Zach chimed in.

The interviewer nodded her head then continued " Are you missing her because you're on tour?"

" Yeah, a lot actually. It's only been two weeks but I still really miss her"

"Would you say that you're in love with her ?"

"Yeah, truly. I'm head over heels for her"

"How did you guys meet?"

" I met her at the movie and she was with her guy best friend, and I thought that she was hot. Luckily I had the balls to go talk to her because otherwise, I would have missed out on this wonderful relationship. Yeah so basically I asked for her number and she gave it to me "

"It was funny because he was stuttering so much and scratching his head and everything," Daniel said smiling

"Yeah, he was literally like ' I need your number because I think your hot '" Jack said winking

"No, I didn't say it like that"

Then all the boys and the interviewer started to laugh.

Corbyn - You were together on at the VMA event. People were taking pictures of you while Corbyn was doing an interview.

"Your girlfriend looks stunning this evening, Corbyn" The lady said to him.

"I know... I said it to her earlier. I'm pretty scared some other handsome guy will steal her from me tonight. So I'll have to keep an eye on her, not that I mind." He smiled.

"Does she like doing things like this? Like red carpets or award shows?"

"She's not really used to it. She gets pretty nervous most of the time. Completely not necessary if you ask me. But if you ask her what she would choose: this or a night home in sweatpants. She definitely chooses the second. But that's what I love about her."

Corbyn looked at you while he was talking. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I see there a couple of suspicious guys.' He pointed towards his bandmates joining you. 'So I'm going to my girlfriend before they run away with her!"

He said goodbye, left the lady and walked over to you. "I'm going to say it a couple of times tonight, but I'm so proud of you being my girlfriend. You look absolutely stunning." He whispered in your ear. You smiling ear to ear, he looked at you in the eyes at then you two shared a passionate kiss.